Lamar County AlArchives News.....The Lamar News May 27, 1886 ************************************************ Copyright. All rights reserved. http://www.usgwarchives.net/copyright.htm http://www.usgwarchives.net/al/alfiles.htm ************************************************ File contributed for use in USGenWeb Archives by: Veneta McKinney http://www.genrecords.net/emailregistry/vols/00016.html#0003775 May 7, 2006, 7:42 pm The Lamar News May 27, 1886 Microfilm Ref Call #373 Microfilm Order #M1992.4466 from The Alabama Department of Archives and History THE LAMAR NEWS E. J. MCNATT, Editor and Proprietor VERNON, ALABAMA, MAY 27, 1886 VOL. III. NO. 30 STILL IS IT NIGHT – Poem - [R. B. WILSON, in the Critic] SLIGHTLY MIXED – Short Story - [Lizzie Van Dervort] A BRAZILIAN SWELL Brazilian titles are not hereditary, but for three generations the descendants of noblemen are entitled to the appellation of “mosa fidalgo” or “young gentleman” and enjoy the rights and privileges of their noble progenitors. These privileges consist daily of being allowed by law to “put on more style” than ordinary individuals. If a “mosa fidalgo” wants to enter the army he can do so as a cadet, and is entitled to wear a star on his coat sleeve. When he goes to the palace he can wear his hat until he comes into the presence of the Emperor, and while ordinary officers have to hitch up their swords before entering the Imperial portals, he can go in with his weapon jingling and thumping along the marble floors. This privilege of wearing a hat in the house and making a racket in the Emperor’s presence is highly prized by the youth of Brazil. Then, too, a “mosa fidalgo” cannot be arrested except by a special warrant from some high official – I have forgotten which one –and when he goes on a “racket” and breaks street lamps and windows the police cannot arrest him and the police justice does not give him a lecture with his fine the nest morning. Instead of that he is a arrested with solemn pomp and a long warrant, and is confined in the “Place of Honor” in the prison. When a “mosa fidalgo” leaves the country he goes to the palace and says “good bye’ to the Emperor, and that monarch, awfully bored, graciously permits him to purchase a ticket by the first steamer. But in order to enjoy all these great privileges one must not only be a “mosa fidalgo” but must take out a patent as such. Then he can have the title printed on his visiting cards and is a recognized “swell.” – [N. Y. Tribune] FRENCH FUN Mr. Goodman goes out for a walk with his son and they visit the Zoological Gardens. Arriving in from of a cage containing some magnificent Cochin China fowls, he remarks to his son: “Admire those superb animals.” And turning to the keeper he says, with the tone of a connoisseur. “Those chickens belong to the family of gallinacae (sic), do they not?” “No, monsieur” replied the keeper, “they belong to the Gardens.” A friend to a Herrules of the Southern provinces: “What is that I hear of you? You have been knocked down by a carriage and broken a limb?’ “Just the contrary, my good friend. It was I who overturned the carriage and broke a wheel.” A prisoner condemned to death is being led to the scaffold. When he beholds the dreaded guillotine he begins to utter horrible cries and clutches the arms of the executioner in his fright. An officer of the police, with a frown, steps up to the prisoner, and says in a severe tone: “Look here, my good fellow, if you don’t make less noise, I shall have to arrest you for disorderly conduct.” Madame has just engaged a new cook. “You have excellent references” said she to her new servant, “and I hope I shall be satisfied with you.” “Madame can rely on me. I ask only a leave of one hour twice a week – Wednesday and Saturday.” “What to do?” “Those are the days when I take my plane (?OR PIANO?) lessons. – [Translated for Graphic] A MULE WHIPS A BEAR – DESPERATE COMBAT IN A PENNSYLVANIA FOREST The Mule Uses His Heels Upon Bruin With Fatal Precision STRANGLED BY AN OCTOPUS An American traveling in Europe about ten years ago observed in the gayest assembice of Paris and Vienna, and in the gambling halls at Monaco, Mr. C--, ---of his fellow countrymen, a scholarly, grave man, whose tastes and pursuits in life, as also his work, lay wholly in study and research. “What can bring him night after night to such places? He looks utterly wretched,” the strange? Asked of an American official. “He is the victim of an octopus,” was the jesting reply. “His wife is one of those soft, clinging, absolutely selfish creatures, who wrap themselves about a man’s lift, and bend it to their will, stifling it and drawing a;; the strength out of his soul, precisely as the devil-fish would out of his body, Mrs. C--, chooses to live a fast, dissipated life, and she forces her husband to indulge her in it by her incessant caresses and protestations of affection.” A year later, Mr. C—became a bankrupt, and soon after lost his reason, and after a few months he died. American correspondents writing home stated that the cause was unknown, as his domestic relations were most happy. But those who knew him best said that he had been “stifled by an octopus.” Lavater declared that each human face bore a likeness to some animal, and also indexed the character; thus that we found in some men the features and qualities of the lion, the mastiff, or the work; and in some women those of the rabbit, the dove, the cow, or the serpent. If we follow this whimsical fancy, we may class many human beings with the clammy, bloodless octopus. They are usually men or more often, women of weak intellect and indomitable will, who invariably consider their own comfort or whishes first in life, and who have found wheedling by gentle manners and caresses the surest way to success – [Youth’s Companion] PRESENCE OF MIND While traveling in Russia, Peter the Great had to take refuge in a monastery from the inclemency of the weather. The monks received him with the greatest humility and deference, and prepared a banquet for him. One of the young monks presented the monarch with a large glass goblet of wine. The young monk stumbled, the goblet fell to the floor and wash shattered into a thousand pieces beyond the hopes of repair, while most of the stomachic disturber went down the back of Peter’s neck. Furious with rage, Peter the Great sprang to his feet and raised his whip, without which he never went out, and was about to flagellate the monk several consecutive times. The monk, however, folding his arms with dignity, addressed the chair as follows: “My lord and czar not drop by drop, but in a perfect gush are God’s precious gifts poured over thee. May all they enemies come to grief even as this glass has been shattered to pieces.” Peter the Great was disarmed. Instead of laying the goad on the monk’s back, he made a motion to lay it on the table, which was carried unanimously. He also appointed the young monk Arch-----of Putcherky, which was the least he could do under the circumstances. This is historical. We - ---ing it straight to the American pull(?sic) but always reserve to ourselves thought of putting it into our own language. [These siftings] A STREET CAR AT SEA There is a lawyer in Boston who is in the habit at times of addressing individual jurymen when inattentive or ----and sometimes his argumentation ---- -is affective. Some time ago he was trying a case against a streetrailway company, and there was an old man on the jury who seemed to give no – to what either counsel said. The lawyer made his most eloquent appeals, but -----. Finally he stopped in front of the sailor and said: “My. Juryman, I will tell you just how it happened. The plaintiff was in command of the outward boat open car, and stood in her starboard ----. Along came the inward-bound ---on and just as their bows --- he jumped the track, sheered to port ---the plaintiff off and ran ---The sailor was all attention ----of the affair and joined in a --- (THIS HAS A PIECE OF TAPE OVER MOST OF THE ARTICLE AND IS VERY HARD TO READ) THE EVER-GREEN PINE – Poem – [M. J. Riordan] HUMOROUS “Ahem!” exclaimed the needle. Justifiable homicide – Sleighing girls. A roadbed is for the convenience of wheels when they are tired. “No,” said the hack-driver, “I can’t stop; my business is driving.” The home rule question – Who is to get up and light the fire? “All flesh is grass,” but some people display more greenness than others. In this progressive age it is pleasing to know that every milk train has its cow-catcher. Human efforts to achieve certain aims, are very much like a cat trying to catch its tail. Just as we think we are about to succeed, away goes the tail. A fashion exchange tells of “new wrinkles for men.” It seems to us that what is most wanted is not new wrinkles, but some method of getting rid of the old ones. “This is a most trying situation,” spouted the little whale, when he was cut up and put in the boiling vats. “I’m afraid it’s all over with me,” and he began to blubber. (Torn) “It may be,” soliloquited an afflicted old lady, “that my troubles are blessings in disguise, as my friends are all the time telling me, but I do wish they’d throw off the disguise once in a while.” Thoughtful Young Lady (to college graduate) – Who, in your opinion, Mr. Muscle, was the noblest Roman of them all? College Graduate – I used to think Hanlan was, but I wouldn’t be a cent on any of ‘em now. REAL NEW ENGLAND BEANS Every day or two I see the Massachusetts members wending their way in groups over to the Senate wing of the Capitol about lunch time, writes a Washington correspondent. That queer undertow which keeps the two houses so far separate, though they sit within a stone’s throw of each other, also generally makes the members patronize their own restaurants. On inquiry it turned out that the Massachusetts men went over to the other side to ----- baked beans, which Senator Pryor’s -------------- Those over at the House are weak in their color and baked into a mass, while Page has a knack of putting his beans upon the table with the real Yankee red tint and each bean perfect in its form. This is what catches the New Englanders, who all patronize Page’s bean-pot during the week. But he tells me that he has made no money since he cane to Washington, and on the contrary has actually lost some. He says the Senate restaurant is not a paying property, unless liquor is allowed to be sold over the counter. REMARKABLE TIME “I’m not a sprint runner,” said Charley, “but I made fifty yards once in remarkably quick time. It was just that far from the front door to the gate, and my girl’s father held the dog and allowed me ten seconds to clear the distance.” “I grasp the situation,” replied Gus, “but fifty yards in ten seconds is not fast time.” “No, but when I reached the gate I had eight seconds to spare.” – [New York Sun] PAGE 2 THE LAMAR NEWS THURSDAY MAY 27, 1886 RATES OF ADVERTISING One inch, one insertion $1.00 One inch, each subsequent insertion .50 One inch, twelve months 10.00 One inch, six months 7.00 One inch, three months 5.00 Two inches twelve months 15.00 Two inches, six months 10.00 Quarter column 12 months 35.00 Half Column 12 months 30.00 One column 12 months 100.00 Professional card $10. Special advertisements in local columns will be charged double rates. All advertisements collectable after first insertion. Local notices 10 cents per line. Obituaries, tributes of respect, etc. making over ten lines, 5 cents per line. DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE – For State Senator, 12th Senatorial District. Hon GEO. C. ALMON, of Franklin. Duty to party is duty to country; duty to country is duty to God. WANTED: By The Democrats of Lamar County a full and satisfactory answer to the question – “Why did the delegates from this county leave their post of duty in the Senatorial Convention? James G. Blaine is a member of the Knights of Labor. The only classes barred from membership in the Knights of Labor are lawyers and saloon keepers. Brother Blaine got in on the score of being a journalist. Now, how is Mr. Cleveland going to overcome this great and threatening obstacle? Ladies in Buffalo have held a meeting and passed resolutions in which they complain that Miss Folsom should buy her wedding outfit in Europe, and declare that if the bride’s outfit is made in Paris instead of in Buffalo they will do what they can to defeat his nomination in 1888. Bishop Joseph S. Key, one of the newly ordained bishops of the Methodist Church, is not a great preacher, rays the Macon Telegraph, judged by the standard of his church and compared with Bascom, Capers, Pisrue and others who have proceeded him in the bishop’s office. He is, yet a man of learning, and capable of great work in the pulpit. His strength, however, lies in his capacity to control and manage men. He has great zeal, and with the combination of good qualities which we have named, and which he possesses in a high degree, he will contribute largely to the advancement of the interests of his church, and we will underwrite that he will never bring reproach upon it or the men who elected him to his high offices – [Age] WHICH WAS IT! Our esteemed contemporary The Fayette Journal is gradually leaving the untenable position first taken in regard to the Senatorial Convention, and indulges in a few reasonable suggestion and we are inclined to believe that if the Journal was properly informed in some respect that it would in some things be correct. In the last issue of the Journal we find the following language: The charge that the Fayette and Lamar delegations “bolted” seems ludicrous in the extreme. When eighteen men of unimpaired minds, withdraw from eleven, meaning to “bolt” it must be emotional insanity or else at the end of a shot-gun. The fact that the Fayette and Lamar delegations withdrew and returned in a few minutes, without having in any way organized or attempted a separate convention is proof conclusive that the idea of bolting never occurred to them. When they returned and discovered that the Franklin and Marion delegations had nominated Geo. C. Almon without the votes (one way or the other) of Fayette and Lamar, then it was that the delegates of these two counties held their meeting and nominated John H. Sanford. --------------- --------if they Fayette and Lamar delegates withdrew with the intention of bolting, why did they not formally organize and nominate Mr. Sanford? Why wait until late in the afternoon? “Oh, consistence, thou art a jewel!” Now we are pleased to be able to inform the Journal that there was not a single shot gun, or any other gun in the court house during the convention in Hamilton. Now as to whether the action of the delegates was caused by emotional insanity or not we will not join issue, as we have no means of knowing and are not an expert on that kind of insanity. We will further inform the Journal that a majority of the delegates from Fayette and Lamar were in the court house when the name of Hon. G. C. Almon was put in nomination and the names of the delegates from Lamar were enrolled and there were ten from Lamar who could effectually prevented a nomination. Why didn’t they vote if they belong to your brave eighteen? Now ----the Journal to ------ --(torn)---------- We will be forced to the conclusion that the Journal has a prolonged attack of “emotional insanity.” Now the Lamar delegates don’t deny “bolting” and that Journal should think the charge of bolting is “ludicrous” is certainly ludicronous in the extreme. Now consistency is surely a “jewel” but it is not in the possession of the Journal, for if the Journal would be consistent it would nail to the “Mask Head” the names of several more independents that reside in the county of “put up jobs” alias Fayette. REPENTANCE Repentance is a turning away from sin. Not simply sorrow for sin, but a sorrow which leads to abandonment of sin. There are two Greek words translated repentance; they are suelanovia and nastamelia, and mean substantially the same thing – i.e., a change of mind and purpose, a change of ones mode of thinking, feeling and acting – reformation of life. This doctrine is insisted upon in the New Testament. To be Christians – to enter in and enjoy Christ’s kingdom in this life or the next, we must repent – turn away from sin, and thus be in a condition to enjoy that salvation of which Christ is the author. We should repent now, because the longer we delay, the more difficult it will be. The sooner we turn to God with willing and obedient hearts, the sooner we enjoy spiritual union with God. It is our duty to repent and turn to God, because he is our best friend and it is ungrateful in the extreme to transgress against the commandments of our best friend, and suicidal to our happiness, because it brings us misery and ruin. Why then should any willfully persist in such a course. Strange that men are generally reasonable upon all subject save their own happiness. But remember, O prodigal! That you must, in order to enjoy the salvation of Christ, be influenced by his spirit or purity and meekness. Reader, how is it with you? – [Notosulga Herald] Just as long as the Lamar delegates thought they could have everything their own way in the Senatorial Convention they stayed and worked, but when they saw that the convention was determined to investigate matters and see if the Fayette delegates were entitled to their seats in the convention rather than have the part their candidates played in getting the delegates selected, they bolted the Convention. There’s no use in mincing words in speaking of the matter. They made a pretence of calling another convention, but plainly said they only wanted the delegates from Lamar and Fayette. After holding a caucus they hatched them a posthumous convention without any authority from the Executive Committee, and you may call the candidate anything you p[lease, but his true name is “Independent” – [Marion Herald] OVER THE STATE – (PLEASE NOTE THIS IS HARD TO READ – BLACK STRIPE DOWN THE COLUMN) Gen. Guyton is the only candidate for governor in this state whose making speeches. Perry Watts, colored, announces himself a candidate for the legislature from Butler County. The Prohibitionists of Sumter County are out in a circular calling upon the Democratic voters to attend the ----naries and vote against whisky. Birmingham is to have a new daily paper, and right away. It will ------ the Western Press service. It may succeed, but its path is beset with difficulties. – [Eufaula Times] The capital stock fo the Times, the new morning paper, is to be only 800,000 and this fact operated somewhat to the discredit of the notion that certain rich men, with ambitious --- unrealistic, are interested in -----. Singular phenomenon has been ---- at Carrollton. Hear the --- of A. F. SHARP, the rain fell --- of about 10 feet, and in no ----. It came in huge drops and ---- fully 19 minutes. Candidates for Governor of Alabama are running along nicely with ------ in the lead enough to speak of. This is probably as it should be. With four such good men in the field ---- else can the people do but ----- . Green County politics are in a ----- , it is true, but we are not prepared to say that they have not been ----- before, now that they ---- not --- again. No one ---neighbors for opinion’s ---and ---no prospects in view of ---- into position of honor and ----. This ---much if good, if no ----- {Eutaw Mirror] The Hillsboro (miss) Banner says : “A young lady of our town received an “April Food” that would tickel ---- of a long-faced meeting house----- time at prayer. On tearing open the envelope, she found an old snaggle-tooth, fine comb that looked like it had been all through the war, accompanied by this pointed recommendation :She had landed may thousands and can land as may more.” Women, even with their inexperience and lack of training, are succeeding as well in various trades that ---- in different places are dreading the competition. Foreign papers speak of a typographical society in an Austrian town that was thrown into dismay by the introduction of thirty printers, all women. The members of the society planned to marry the intruding compositors, which was accomplished in two or three years, and thus they were freed from the damaging competition of underpaid women. – [Montgomery Advertiser] THE GOVERNORSHIP – HALF THE STATE SHOWS UP A CLOSE VOTE ALL AROUND The following table is made up --- the best information attainable. It is not given as absolutely correct, approximately so and is subject to revisal on better information. Some of the counties are given on the strength of claims by the friends of candidates, that being the only light on the situation in these counties to date. Estimated in this way the gubernatorial contest now stands somewhat this way in counties which have appointed delegates. (LONG TABLE OF VOTES FOR EACH CANDIDATE FOR EACH COUNTY. NOT GOING TO TRANSCRIBE – IF INTERESTED CONTACT ME AND I WILL GET IT FOR YOU) Ad for Peruna. Ad for The Genuine Dr. C. McLane’s Celebrated American Worm Specific Vermifuge Ad for Dr. C. McLane’s Liver Pills AGENTS WANTED – for Rev. Sam P. Jones Sermons – There never was such a book before, and never will be again. Something new and startling. First you laugh fit to kill yourself, nest you set up a deal of thinking, then you get mighty solemn. The most extraordinary book of sermons ever published. As delivered in Chicago, Cincinnati, St. Louis, Atlanta Augusta, Waco, Memphis, Nashville, &c, &c. Strikingly illustrated with best portrait of Sam Jones ever engraved, and over sixty interesting character sketches. The Only Authentic Edition. Only full reports yet printed. Do not mistake it for one of the small pamphlet editions. Sam Jones has repeatedly denounced these garbled and abbreviated reports as without his sanction, and as doing him rank injustice. Write at once for illustrated circulars and terms, and name your choice of territory; or to secure it instantly, send 75 cents for complete agents outfit, which will be forwarded by return mail, postpaid. Postage stamps accepted. Liberal terms guaranteed. Address Herbert & Cole Publishing Co. 810 & 812 Olive Street. St. Louis. PHOTOGRAPHS – A. R. HENWOOD, Photographer, Aberdeen, Miss. Price list: Cards de visite, per doz………$2.00 Cards Cabinet, per doz……….$4.00 Cards Panel, per doz………….$5.00 Cards Boudoir, per doz………$5.00 Cards, 8 x 10, per doz……….. $8.00 Satisfaction given or money returned. The Coleman House (Formerly West House). W. S. COLEMAN, Pro. Main St. Columbus, Miss. Is now open for the entertainment of guests, and will be kept clean and comfortable, the table being supplied with the best the market affords. RESTAURANT, Aberdeen, Mississippi. Those visiting Aberdeen would do well to call on Mrs. L. M. KUPFER, who keeps Restaurant, Family Groceries, Bakery and Confectionery, toys, tobacco, and cigars. Also coffee and sugar. Special attention paid to ladies. Barber Shop. For a clean Shave or Shampoo, call on G. W. BENSON, in rear of Dr. BURNS office, Vernon, Ala. ATTORNEYS NESMITH & SANFORD THOS. B. NESMITH, Vernon, Ala. J. B. SANFORD, Fayette C. H., Ala. Attorneys-at-Law. Will practice as partners in the counties of Lamar and Fayette, and separately in adjoining counties, and will give prompt attention to all legal business intrused to them or either of them. SMITH & YOUNG, Attorneys-At-Law Vernon, Alabama– W. R. SMITH, Fayette, C. H., Ala. W. A. YOUNG, Vernon, Ala. We have this day, entered into a partnership for the purpose of doing a general law practice in the county of Lamar, and to any business, intrusted to us we will both give our earnest personal attention. – Oct. 13, 1884. S. J. SHIELDS – Attorney-at-law and Solicitor in Chancery. Vernon, Alabama. Will practice in the Courts of Lamar and the counties of the District. Special attention given to collection of claims. PHYSICIANS – DENTISTS M. W. MORTON. W. L. MORTON. DR. W. L. MORTON & BRO., Physicians & Surgeons. Vernon, Lamar Co, Ala. Tender their professional services to the citizens of Lamar and adjacent country. Thankful for patronage heretofore extended, we hope to merit a respectable share in the future. Drug Store. Dr. G. C. BURNS, Vernon, Ala. Thankful for patronage heretofore extended me, I hope to receive a liberal share in the future. Largest, cheapest, best stock of dress goods, dress trimmings, ladies & misses jerseys clothing, furnishing goods, knit underwear, boots, shoes, & hats, tin ware, etc., etc., at rock bottom figures at A. COBB & SONS’S. Ad for Pianos and Organs – J. GARRISON of Cullman, Ala. WIMBERELY HOUSE Vernon, Alabama. Board and Lodging can be had at the above House on living terms L. M. WIMBERLEY, Proprietor. ERVIN & BILLUPS, Columbus, Miss. Wholesale and retail dealers in pure drugs, paints, oils, paten Medicines, tobacco & cigars. Pure goods! Low prices! Call and examine our large stock. Go to ECHARD’S PHOTOGRAPH GALLERY, Columbus, Mississippi, when you want a fine photograph or ferrotype of any size or style. No extra charge made for persons standing. Family group and old pictures enlarged to any size. All the work is done in his gallery and not sent North to be done. Has a handsome and cheap line of Picture Frames on hand. Call at his Gallery and see his work when in Columbus. STAR STABLE – Aberdeen, Mississippi. A. A. POSEY & BRO., having consolidated their two Livery Stables, are now offering many additional advantages at this well-known and conveniently located Livery Stable. Owing to their consolidation, they have on hand a number of good second-hand buggies which they are selling cheap. MORGAN, ROBERTSON & CO., Columbus, Mississippi. General dealers in staple dry goods, boots, & shoes, groceries, bagging, ties, etc. etc. Always a full stock of goods on hand at Bottom prices. Don’t fail to call on them when you go to Columbus. Johnson’s Anodyne Liniment…(too small to read). PAGE 3 THE LAMAR NEWS THURSDAY MAY 27, 1886 TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION One copy one year $1.00 One copy, six months .60 All subscriptions payable in advance LOCAL DIRECTORY CHANCERY COURT THOMAS COBBS Chancellor JAS. M. MORTON Register CIRCUIT COURT S. H. SPROTT Circuit Judge THOS. W. COLEMAN Solicitor COUNTY OFFICERS ALEX. COBB Probate Judge JAMES MIDDLETON Circuit Clerk S. F. PENNINGTON Sheriff L. M. WIMBERLEY Treasurer W. Y. ALLEN Tax Assessor D. J. LACY Tax Collector B. F. REED Co. Supt. of Education Commissioners – W. M. MOLLOY, SAMUEL LOGGAINS, R. W. YOUNG, ALBERT WILSON CITY OFFICERS L. M. WIMBERLEY Mayor and Treasurer G. W. BENSON Marshall Board of Aldermen – T. R. NESMITH, W. L. MORTON, JAS. MIDDLETON, W. A. BROWN, R. W. COBB RELIGIOUS FREEWILL BAPTIST – Pastor –T. W. SPRINGFIELD. Services, first Sabbath in each month, 7 p.m. MISSIONARY BAPTIST – Pastor J. E. COX. Services second Sabbath in each month at 11 am. METHODIST – Pastor – G. L. HEWITT. Services fourth Sabbath in each month. 11 a.m. SABBATH SCHOOLS UNION – Meets every Sabbath at 3 o’clock p.m. JAMES MIDDLETON, Supt. METHODIST – Meets every Sabbath at 3 o’clock p.m. G. W. RUSH, Supt. MAIL DIRECTORY VERNON AND COLUMBUS - Arrives every evening and leaves ever morning except Sunday, by way of Caledonia. VERNON AND BROCKTON – Arrives and departs every Saturday by way of Jewell. VERNON AND MONTCALM – Arrives and departs every Friday. VERNON AND PIKEVILLE – Arrives and (sic) Pikeville every Tuesday and Friday by way of Moscow and Beaverton. VERNON AND KENNEDY – Arrives and departs every Wednesday and Saturday. VERNON AND ANRO – Leaves Vernon every Tuesday and Friday and returns every Wednesday and Saturday. LOCAL BREVITIES Read new legal ads. No candidate should wait any longer to announce himself. Mr. L. C. SMITH and wife of Military Springs were in town Friday. The subscription list of the News continues to grow. A great number of millet patches are being sown around town. The county jail hasn’t a single occupant. Rev. J. W. PETERS preached in town last Sunday evening. Bring your butter, eggs and chickens to town and get the highest market prices for them. If you wish a good article of Plug Tobacco, ask your dealer for “Old Rip.” The charming miss LEVY MILES, of Fayette C. H. is visiting friends in town. Rev. CHARLIE WHEELER failed to fill his appointment last Sunday night. A large crowd assembled to hear him. Remember it is always the best trick (?) (sic) in a convention that wins. And never kick! Come on with your announcements: The Senatorial Canvas won’t hold the people’s attention all summer. County offices are to fill. CUT OUT Prof. J. GUIN, of Fernbank spent several --- in town first of the week. Prof. JOHN and MISS JALE will attend the teachers --- on the 31st at the Normal School in Florence. Let every --- to the News and those ----, aid us in extending ----We want and - --------- circulation by the --------. (CAN’T READ) Thanks to Mr. EDDY MORTON for two subscriptions to News. The political pot seems to be cooling a little. Rev. G. B. TAYLOR preaches in town next Sunday at 11 am The oat crop was never more promising. The Vernon Courier will be issued 2nd of June. Mr. JOHN BROCK is now a salesman in the store of E. W. BROCK. Plank floors are being put in the hallways of the court house. Subscribers and compliments continues to come to the News. Rev. C. A. WHEELER paid the News a pleasant call Friday while on his way to Caledonia. The colored people held their quarterly meeting in town of Saturday and Sunday last. W. G. MIDDLETON Esq. and wife visited relatives in Fayette County first of the week. Mr. JAS SAGELY, of Military Springs paid the News a pleasant call on Friday, and left a $1 for the News. A large number of Vernonites attended the sacramental and foot-washing services at Emmaus Church last Sunday. Messrs. J. A. COLLINS and I. J. SMITH of Sizemore beat, paid us a pleasant visit latter part of last week, and each subscribed for the News. MARRIED: On the 20th at residence of G. B. JORDAN’S by the Rev. D. G. W. HOLLIS, Mr. A. J. PENNINGTON and Miss MARY DELORAH. The Literary Society gives a public invitation on next Friday night. The subject for discussion is which has been the greatest curse to our country war or intemperance. A LETTER FROM MOSCOW Moscow, May 19th, 1886 Editor of News: Judging from what the Fayette Journal says about the county convention it appears that Judge Almon was badly slaughtered in our county. Now, I know how it was done in our beat. In our beat meeting here it was my understanding that each candidate was to have his legitimate strength and expected nothing until we went to Vernon where I soon found it different. Our bear was divided in the delegation five for Almon and three for Sanford; but our opinions had nothing to do with the people we were to represent and if there are more than 25 Sanford men out of the 300 voters of this beat they are to be made yet. Now that looks like slaughtering a man don’t it? We had no showing worth a cent in the convention. But just wait till the first Monday in August and we will show Mr. Sanford where “Toney hid the wedge.” More hereafter. - OBSERVER THE COLORED PEOPLE’S CELEBRATION The 8th day of May was celebrated by the colored people of this vicinity at Mt. Pleasant Church. Several speeches were made on that day in commemoration of the day of our freedom. We were set free without money or education; but we thank the Lord that we have so many kind hearted white friends in the South who are turning towards us and are kindly leading us to know something of the arts and sciences for which we commend them to God and feel much indebted to them. There were a few white people who honored us with their presence and we were delighted to set out best on the table before them. The evening was spent in discussing which has the greater right to complain of their treatment by the whites, the Negro or the Indian. The question was decided in favor of the Indian. What we enjoyed in Africa, Was but a starlight dim; To sunlight in America Where greater works begin. We sold our possession For a piece of flannel red We went on board the vessel And to another land they fled They brought us to America In slavery we begin His task we never could enjoy But regret to the end. R. R. “TRUE EMERGENCY” – GLORY ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY Mr. Editor: I see in your issue of 13th, a double headed column with the title above quoted. Further I see the startling announcement the “ring in Fayette and Lamar is broken.” This article in florid style goes on to show how Marion and Franklin composed of eleven delegates constituting themselves the Democratic Convention nominated Mr. Almon, and how Lamar and Fayette 18 delegates bolted and nominated Mr. Sanford, characterizing them as a caucus. That Lamar and Fayette at last recognized their folly and are backed and speculating how we will explain our conduct and charging that we indulged in a proceeding which was a shame to the Democracy of Lamar and Fayette. This charming little morceau from the gifted pen of Mr. W. A. YOUNG we presume, notwithstanding its fervent expression of triumph has a considerable touch of agony in it, from the fact that after cavorting around as a frisky little dark horse, he foundered himself before the first heat. As he has seen proper to assail our delegation and being one of them and a friend of his in his desire for advancement I deem it my duty to show up this dark pony, in his true colors, and that he is as full of tricks as a Mexican plug, and that all this spiteful kicking at his county delegation has anything else in it but the prosperity of the party which he represents as the chairman of the Executive committee in this county – More is the pity! We went to Hamilton well aware of the feelings and passions which had been aroused in the canvass, and determined to take a conciliatory stand, with no intention of suspending the two thirds rule, and doing everything we could to prevent a breach in the party. In a spirit of liberality we made no fight for a chairman when to our utter astonishment they inaugurated a movement to throw out the Fayette delegation upon the grounds that it held amass meeting for the purpose of sending delegates instead of having such delegates appointed at the county convention and because Mr. Sanford presided over the meeting and appointed a committee to select delegates; and also that the mass meeting had not been sufficiently advertised, claiming all these things as a ground of fraud. Yet while they were willing to put a delegate from Fayette on the credentials yet they were not willing to allow them to vote in the temporary organization, recognizing them in one breach and refusing to do so in another. A pliant chairman to their purposes ruled in their favor. All these things were done upon the grounds above stated in the face of the fact that the Fayette delegation was there with credentials duly authenticated, with no contrary delegation contesting their seats and not a single representative from Fayette county protesting against them! What an exhibition was this! Two counties arrogating to themselves the power to dictate to another county in this state them manner in which it should hold its meetings for the purpose of sending delegates to a convention! And that too after the county convention which assembled at Fayette C. H. shortly afterwards, with delegates from the different beats in the county endorsed the action of the mass meeting. We very properly refused to be parties to such an unprecedented transaction and reused to allow our names to be enrolled after protesting against such injustice and doing all we could to prevent it. If we were wrong we are willing to stand by it, and we leave it to our people whether our conduct was an honor or a shame to them. But while we are talking of shameful things “let us return to our mutton” or rather our dark horse from Lamar, who showed his fine points so nicely on that occasion. While the regular racers were being groomed for the race he conceived the idea that a stall in Montgomery and the succulent forage of the Senate Chamber would be quite the thing for his constitution, and then all the mustang that was in him came to light. He approached a delegate who had always been his friend and an agreement was made between them. The plan was to “fix” four of the Lamar delegates so that a nomination of either Sanford or of Almon for whom he was ostensibly working would be prevented and to obtain the vote of Franklin and Marion when Almon was withdrawn. Thus was he to show the changing colors of the dying dolphin alternately to the Sanford and Almon delegation. Full of this scheme on his route to Hamilton he accosted one of our delegates and adjured him by all the sweet associations of school-boy-hood to support him, which however pathetically it might have been put made no impression on the relent heart of that delegate who could not find it agreeable to his conscience to go against a man for whom he had been appointed and was committed to, even for a schoolmate. Thus the plan became known. Finding this fail he embarked in the scheme which culminated, at Hamilton and divided the district and the party, and was foremost among the applauders of the action of the Franklin and Marion delegations. And we now see the reason of venting his spleen against the delegation of Lamar for not supporting his dark lantern plan, by publishing them as a disgrace to the Democracy of our county. Thus has he made his entry in political life not like the young eagle in his flight in the broad daylight with his plumage bathed in rays of the morning sun, but like the jackal who leaves his den by devious paths and prowls for his prey in the dark shades of night when innocence and honesty are asleep. Yet we agree with him in there being “glory enough for one day” in view of the fact that our delegation defeated the wiles of a trickster and washed their hands of the design to fast odium upon the fair name of the Fayette delegation composed of as good men as that county can boast. We leave it to a fair minded public to say upon whom the mantle of shame rests in the whole affair. D. J. LACY The State Convention meets in Montgomery 9th of June. Books of subscription to the capital stock of the Memphis and Birmingham R. R. Co will be opened at the court house tomorrow, 28th. The congressional convention for the second district is called to meet at Montgomery June the 9th. ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR SENATOR We are authorized to announce the name of GEORGE C. ALMON of Franklin County, as a candidate for the State Senate from the 12th Senatorial District, composed of the counties of Lamar, Marion, Fayette and Franklin. Subject to the action of the Democratic convention. FOR REPRESENTATIVE We are authorized to announce J. D. MCCLUSKEY as candidate to Represent Lamar County in the next General Assembly. Election next August. We are authorized to announce R. L. BRADLEY as a candidate to represent Lamar County in the next General assembly of Alabama. Election 1st Monday in August. We are authorized to announce JASON H. SHAW a candidate to represent Lamar County in the next General Assembly of Alabama. Election in August, 1886. FOR PROBATE JUDGE We are authorized to announce J. E. PENNINGTON as a candidate for the office of Judge of Probate of Lamar County. Election next August. FOR CIRCUIT CLERK We are authorized to announce S. M. SPRUILL as a candidate for the office of Circuit Clerk of Lamar County. Subject to the Democratic Party. Election in August, 1886. We are authorized to announce J. N. MCNEIL as a candidate for the office of Circuit Clerk of Lamar County. Election August next. I hereby announce myself a candidate for the office of Clerk of the Circuit Court of Lamar County. Election in August next. – W. G. MIDDLETON We are authorized to announce W. W. PURNELL as a candidate for Clerk of the Circuit Court of Lamar County. Election next August. To the voters of Lamar County: I hereby announce myself a candidate for the office of Clerk of the Circuit Court of Lamar County, at the approaching August election; and respectfully solicit a liberal share of your votes. Very respectfully. R. E. BRADLEY I hereby announce myself a candidate for the office of Clerk of the Circuit Court of Lamar County, at the approaching August election and respectfully solicit a liberal share of your votes. Very respectfully. JOHN T. BURROW We are authorized t to announce Dr. B. F. REED a candidate for the office of Clerk of the Circuit Court of Lamar County. Election next August. To the voters of Lamar County: I take this method of informing you that I am a candidate for Clerk of the Circuit Court at the approaching August election. Soliciting a liberal share of your votes, I am yours, obt. R. N. WALDROP FOR CO. SUPT. OF ED. We are authorized to announce B. H. WILKERSON a candidate for County Superintendent of Education for Lamar County. Election next August. We are authorized to announce B. MCADAMS (cripple) as a candidate for County Superintendent of Education for Lamar County. Election next August. We are authorized to announce W. J. MOLLOY as a candidate for the office of County Superintendent of Education of Lamar County. Election 1st Monday in August. MASONIC: Vernon Lodge, No. 588, A. F. and A. M. Regular Communications at Lodge Hall 1st Saturday, 7 pm each month. – J. D. MCCLUSKEY, W. M. M. W. MORTON, Sec. Vernon Lodge, NO 45, I. O. G. F. Meets at Lodge Hall the 2d and 4th Saturdays at 7 ½ pm each month. - W. G. MIDDLETON, N. G. - M. W. MORTON, Sect’y Memphis and Birmingham Railroad Company – Notice is hereby given that by virtue of a commission issue to us by the Secretary of State of the State of Alabama, we will open books of subscription to the capital stock of the Memphis and Birmingham Railroad Company at the court house of the county of Lamar, Alabama, at Vernon on Friday, the 28th day of May, 1886, at 2 o’clock pm. JOHN A GRANT, WM. A. WALKER, M. A. PORTER, Board of Cooperators. NOTICE State of Alabama, Lamar County Notice is hereby given that application will be made to Governor E. A. O’Neal to remit a $50 fine assessed against J. W. L. FLINN at the County Court of aforesaid county on 18th day February 1886. This the 22nd day of May, 1886. State of Alabama, Lamar County Probate Court, April 1st, 1886 In the matter of the estate of Joel B. GIBSON, decease, it appearing to the Court upon the examination of the proof and papers submitted, that said estate is insolvent. It is therefore ordered by the Court that Thos. B. NESMITH, Administrator of said estate, file his amount, vouchers and evidence, and that he make settlement of his administration on the 31st day of May next, when and where all parties interested can contest the same if they think proper. ALEXANDER COBB, Judge of Probate TAX NOTICE The State of Alabama, Lamar County I, D. J. LACY, tax collector of said county will make application to the Probate Court to be held first Monday in June 1886, for an order to sell the lands mentioned below or so much thereof as will be sufficient to pay the taxes, penalties and cost for the year 1885. Henson Springs Beat – THOMAS BANNISTER Millville Beat – J. B. WILDER & CO - CAROLINA PRICE Pine Springs Beat – T. A. THURLKILL Trull’s Beat – J. L. JONES D. J. LACY, T. C. TAX SALE The State of Alabama, Lamar County By virtue of Decree rendered on the 3rd day of May, 1886, by the Court of Probate for said county, I will offer for sale at the court house door of said county on third day of June, 1886, the following lands to wire: se qu of sw qr sec 19 T 11 R 14. Tax and cost (fees…..) Said lands or so much thereof as will be necessary to pay the above tax and cost will be sold on the 7th June, 1886. D. J. LACY, T. C. Ad for Chicago Scale Co. Ad for Chicago Cottage Organ Ad for Smith’s Bile Beans Ad for Wetherill Lead Paint Ad for Avery Sewing Machine Ad for New Home Sewing Machine Ad for Collins Ague Cure PAGE 4 LADIES DEPARTMENT TWO WOMEN – Poem – [William S. Lord, in The Current] A REMARKABLE PETTICOAT One young lady on East Fourth Street, who enjoys the reputation of being artistically inclines, is finishing an embroidered flannel skirt that may with truth be pronounced wonderful gorgeous. It is light blue in color, and the decoration is startlingly original. There is a whole family of owls, little one and big, located on the front of the garment. As owls are the fashionable birds of the moment in the east, this is admissible. From the boughs of delicately traced trees they seem to be peering about with their great eyes. Another zoological feature is carried out in the border, which represents a wriggling mass of golden serpents. GIRLS WHO CAN SHOOT For a number of years on the Continent of Europe and in England and Scotland, says an exchange, it has not been an uncommon thing to see ladies take the shooting field. In the Black Forest in Germany, ladies assist at the battues. Lady Abinger, who was a Miss Magruder, niece of Gen. Magruder of Confederate army fame, always took part in the opening of the grouse season on her moor in Banivic, Scotland. She was an admirable shot and an untiring walker. In this country until recently only a limited number of ladies, and these Southerners, ever took yup a breech-loader, and this was usually preliminary to a breach-of-promise suit. Now, however, a large number of very light-weight guns of very small caliber are imported to his country for ladies use, and a goodly array of charming girls join the gentlemen in a morning’s shoot. One of the best shots in the West is the wife of an official of the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad. She is death on duck s and prairie chickens. Then there is a Keokuk (Ia.) girl who can paralyze snipe as fast as they get up, and there was talk of getting up a young ladies clay-pigeon club at Newark. FINE STRINGS OF PEARLS The increased favor given by fashion to low-necked evening dress has encouraged the jewelers to put together some very beautiful and costly necklaces. Three strings of pearls recently shown in this city were valued at $3,200, $2,200 and $1,500 respectively, without the pretty diamond clasps which fastened them. The pearls were graduated, and of beautiful color and shape, but as one --- to a poet to love Spencer, one must be accustomed to jewels, to appreciate the refined beauty of pearls, and half the women who saw the three necklaces and some rival diamonds which blazed near them in another necklace, would have chosen the diamonds if not informed of their comparative cheapness. The cost of this pretty bauble was $750, and it was a single band of stones in a light gold setting, but it had a star pendant, with a great sapphire in the center, which added two thirds more to its price, and was a beautiful ornament by itself. The combination of diamonds and colored stones are very fine this season, not only in pendants, but also in rings. One of the latter, in which a turquoise as big as a humming bird’s egg is surrounded by diamond sparks, is pretty enough to figure in one of Mrs. Spofford’s stories. – [Boston Transcript] THE GIRL ON THE RAFT A correspondent of the New York Evening Post, writing about a railroad journey through Eastern Tennessee, draws a graphic picture in words as follows: At Big Spring an enormous mountain has seated itself within a hand’s breadth of the river. The cars glide by on the other side of the stream, and it really seeds as if there were not room between the water and the hill for a house; but a house stood there as though its rear timbers were against the everlasting rock behind it. Not a yard away in front was the river, and moored upon it a small raft, covered with yellow mud, telling pathetically of the way the dwellers there reached the settlement, through which we were passing. The rocky step shut them in on the west; the turbid stream ran in front of them. We halted at the station, and as I looked from the car window the figure of a young girl appeared at the door of the house across the river. She was but two or three rods away, and I could see her plainly. The lithe, slight form was in the full sunlight. In the interest of romance and for the sake of the fitness of things here in this lovely valley, I want to write that there was a certain untamed beauty in the aspect of the girl who, after staring an instant at the train, stepped out into the raft and seized a pole which lay on the bottom of it. But she was not pretty, she was not interesting, save in a kind of agility and freedom of movement; she was heavy featured and unkempt, still at a distance the picture she made in front of the house and the mountain was decidedly attractive. I noticed that she was looking at a particular place in the long line of cars, and with curiosity I looked at the same spot, for the great curve in the road made it possible for me to see the engine. The raft was suddenly propelled into the middle of the river, and slid up toward the locomotive. The girl leaned on her pole with one hand, put the other to the side of her mouth, and shrieked: “Nick? I say, Nick” in a voice that a sailor might have used in a gale. Every occupant of our car heard her and started. I kept my eye on the engine, for I believed that Nick was there, and that, if alive, he also would hear. I was right. He did hear. A blackened fireman swung himself out on the step, grinned broadly as he saw the girl on the raft, waved a dingy hand at her, and called out something which I could not distinguish. The girls’ face lightened as much as such a stolid face could; she lifted her pole as if it had been a fan and swung it in the air, her raft reeling as she did so. “Good gracious” cried a dashing New York damsel near me, who had also been watching, “Good gracious? Is that a flirtation?” I thought the speaker looked as if she knew a great deal more about flirtation than I, so I did not answer her. The train moved on slowly, the girl on the raft planting her pole firmly in the mud at the bottom of the water and gazing faithfully at Nick as long as he was in the line of her vision. FASHION NOTES Tucks are revived for spring frocks. Bordered stuffs are to be worn again. Striped cheviots come in new shades and colors. New hats and bonnets are as high as ever or higher. The new cotton goods are as handsome as India silks. Velvet surfaced waterproof garments are much worn. Puffs and pads around the armholes are things of the past. Inch-wide stripes are the feature in spring dress woolens. Woolen ribbons having a rough surface look like bands of astrakhan. Straight skirt draperies are equally popular with those of extra looping. Wide straight linen collars with turned down points are stylish this season. Little girls’ Tam O’Shanter hats are of velvet with gilt quills thrust in the side. The neck bands of dresses increase in width, some of them being two inches wide. Light gray wool and velvet suits are stylish for young ladies’ walking costumes. The Gretchen dress for little girls is a favorite style, and it can be made in all kinds of materials. Stylish little house jackets made of creamy white cloth are timed with gold or silver galloon. Although the high coiffure is very stylish, the low Greek knot is not abandoned, and many ladies prefer it. The most popular and sensible shoe for fashionable women is the common sense shoe with its broad flat sole and heel. Fancy woolen good striped with plush or astrakhan are pretty combines with plain materials of the same shade. Ostrich feathers of two different colors are seen in some of the new fans. Tortoise-shell mountings are preferred to pearl as they are considered much stronger. Pretty and thickly beaded galloons are used as belts and fastened with showy clasps. Collars and cuffs are formed of the same galloons which are used to brighten dark dresses. Eider-down flannel wrappers made princess shape are worn by young matrons. Cream white, pale blue and scarlet are the favorite colors. These pretty wrappers require no trimming except buttons, ribbon bows or a sash. Pleatings and flounces are entirely dispensed with on new dress skirts. One narrow pleating or “dust ruffle” is all that a walking skirt requires beside the long full drapery which really forms the overdress and entirely covers the lining or the underskirt. ENDURANCE OF ARAB PONIES Co. Barrow, an English officer, has lately published some particulars relating to the wonderful endurance of the Arab ponies which carried his men during the Nile campaign. The Arab ponies in question were stallions, not exceeding fourteen hands in height, and aged, on an average, from 8 to 9 years. Their cost in Syria and in lower Egypt is about ₤11 per head, and the distance which they covered, with men weighing at least fourteen stone upon their backs, could not have been less than fifteen hundred miles, much of which was through sand. Col. Barrow adds that in the advance on Metemach 153 ponies, bestridden by the hussar detachment, had only one pound of grain, and not a single drop of water, during a long and arduous spell of nearly sixty hours. A score of them had no water for seventy hours, and out of the whole number of 350 animals only 12 died of fatigue or disease in nine months of hard service. SCIENTIFIC SCRAPS It has been suggested in England that the telephone may be advantageously used to transmit messages between sufferers from infectious diseases and their friends. According to a medical journal the discovery has been made in Columbia of a shrub which exudes a juice having so powerful an effect in arresting the flow of blood that large veins can be cut by a knife and smeared with it without causing hemorrhage. The plant is called “aliza” by the natives. The food of Burmese peasants, includes almost all kinds of reptiles, the grub of a ball-rolling beetle, a kind of ant which constructs nests of leaves in treetops (eaten in curries), and hill rats. The last named exist in such hordes that their consumption is almost a necessity to prevent the rats eating the Burmese. During a recent trip of the steamer Princess Beatrice between Larne and Stranraer, the man at the wheel observed a curious disturbance of the compass needle, which was afterward traced to the magnetic influence of an umbrella carried by one of the passengers. The deviation was so serious that the steersman reported to the mate that he could not keep the vessel to her course. An interesting experiment, showing the influence of electricity on the growth of roots, has been made in Germany by Professor Holdefleiss. Plates of copper were thrust upright into the earth and connected by wires with similarly-placed zinc plates about one hundred feet distant – an electric battery being thus formed, with the earth between the copper and zinc in the circuit. Both potatoes and beets planted between such plates gave an increased yield – beets 15 per cent, potatoes 25 per cent – as compared with other parts of the same field. Dr. C. Keller, of Zurich, claims that spiders perform an important part in the preservation of forests, by defending the trees against the depredations of aphides and insects. He has examined a great many spiders, both in their viscera and by feeding them in captivity, and has found them to be voracious destroyers of these pests; and he believes that the spiders in a particular forest do more effective work of this kind than all the insect- eating birds that inhabit it. He has verified his-----(CUT OUT) ---------Prince of Monaco, whose recent experiments are probing very interesting. Last July he sunk a large number of ingeniously-arranged bottles, globes, and barrels at different points north of the Azores, each floating vessel containing a paper in different languages, stating the time and place of immersion, and begging the finder to note down the hour and place of discovery, and forward it to the nearest French consul. Now three of these bottles have been found in the Eastern Azores, having followed a south- easterly direction, instead of going to the northwest, as expected. THE HELPING HAND I shall never forget the feelings I had once when climbing one of the pyramids of Egypt. When half way up, my strength failing, I feared I should never be able to reach the summit or get back again. I well remember the help given by Arab hands, drawing me on farther and the step I could not quite make myself, because too great for my wearied frame, the little help given me – sometimes more and sometimes less – enabled me to go up, step by step, until at last I reached the top, and breathed the pure air, and had a grand outlook from that lofty height. And so, in life’s journey, we are climbing. We are feeble. Every one of us, now and then, needs a little help’ and we have risen a step higher than some other, let us reach down for our brother’s hand and help him to stand beside us. And thus, joined hand in hand, we shall go on conquering, step by step, until the glorious eminence shall be gained. Ah, how many need help in this world! – poor, afflicted ones’; poor, sorrowing ones’ poor, tempted ones, who have been overcomes, who have been struggling, not quite able to get up the step; trying, falling; trying, falling; trying, desponding; hoping, almost despairing! Oh, give such a one help, a little kindly aid, and the step may be taken, and another may then be taken; and, instead of dying in wretchedness at the base, he may, by a brother’s hand, be raised to safety, and finally to glory. – [Bishop Simpson] A FACETIOUS BARBER One night Bob fell in with a fellow who was “English, you know.” The latter was berating the Yankees for doing all manner of business in their shops and not following the better English plan of sticking to one branch. The next day he swaggered into Bob’s shop to be shaved. Bob gave his face an extra good soaping and left him, at the same time seating himself to read. The English man kept quiet for a few minutes, when seeing Bob reading, he blurted out, “Why don’t you shave me, sir?” “You will have to go up street for your shave,” quietly replied the barber, “we only lather here.” The answer took the ----- of the -------y. – [Boston Fran------] PROMOTED One winter, says General Dan Macauley, in his recent address before the Loyal Legion, we were for many days on a Mississippi River expedition, down below Helena, Arkansas, with a fleet of steamers under General Willis A. Gorman. The weather was most inclement, and the men suffered very severely from cold and exposure. Under such conditions a soldier’s bump of reverence for anything he can worry suffers great shrinkage. Sam Irick had taken a violent dislike to General Gordon, because forsooth, that gallant gentleman had been forced to join in the famous retreat from the first Bull Run battlefield. Why Sam should have considered that General German had any special monopoly or responsibility in that great national foot-race, or that he had developed more speed than was absolutely necessary to keep up with the procession is hard to understand but so it was, and several times during this expedition, as I afterward learned, when our steamers were sufficiently near, Sam would electrify the general by howling to him most derisively” “Hello, Old Bull Run!” Once he made a mistake, Headquarters steamer was brought alongside of ours and within a few feet, for consultation, and on the upper or hurricane deck stood the General himself. Sam was on the lower forward deck of our vessel, out near the bow, and bracing himself, he yelled up into Gorman’s very teeth: “Hello, Old Bull Run!” The General was too quick for him; leaning over the side, he shouted down to the guard, “Throw that man on my boat here, quick!” And sure enough, they did. Sam, sprawling the air like a frog was pitched headlong onto Gorman’s boat, and during the remainder of the day, at various distances, near and far, we could see him, long and lank and lean, tied up like a fluttering scarecrow, to the jackstaff of the steamer. It was a cold and gusty day – for Sam - and no especial attention was paid to waffles and quail for him and so, when along toward night the boats were brought together again and he was chucked back to us stiff as a wooden Indian, it might reasonably be supposed God for one the great irrepressible was squelched. No, not the least in the world. He gathered himself together, and chilled, blue, and starved as he was, came creaking and grunting up stairs to me in the cabin. “Colonel,” he groaned, “I wish you’d please have my discharge made out right away.” “Your discharge! Your funeral, you, mean, if you are not more careful.” “No, my discharge, Colonel. I’ve been put on Gorman’s staff.” “What is your religion, Mr. Glibber?” asked the landlady of the new boarder. “Meat three times a day” was the reply that startled the good woman, and put her in a reverie as to whether the man was a heathen or had misunderstood the question. ADVERTISEMENTS File at: http://files.usgwarchives.net/al/lamar/newspapers/thelamar962gnw.txt This file has been created by a form at http://www.genrecords.org/alfiles/ File size: 62.3 Kb