Diary of Charles Etchison Lavender, MD, Oct. 18, 1833 - July 29, 1834, Lowndes, Alabama http://files.usgwarchives.net/al/lowndes/bios/celavender4.txt ================================================================================ USGENWEB NOTICE: All documents placed in the USGenWeb Archives remain the property of the contributors, who retain publication rights in accordance with US Copyright Laws and Regulations. In keeping with our policy of providing free information on the Internet, these documents may be used by anyone for their personal research. They may be used by non-commercial entities so long as all notices and submitter information is included. These electronic pages may NOT be reproduced in any format for profit. Any other use, including copying files to other sites, requires permission from the contributors PRIOR to uploading to the other sites. The submitter has given permission to the USGenWeb Archives to store the file permanently for free access. This file was contributed and copyrighted by: Michael V. Sims ================================================================================ April 2002 Diary of Charles Etchison Lavender, M.D. 1832-1834 page transcribed by Michael Vaughn Sims from photocopy April 20, 2002 [October 1833] Oct. 18. Why my diary, you may ask, this long neglect? Why thus left alone to conjecture the cause of such silence? Now that I have a respite from pain and suffering from fever and its dire effects you shall know all. Having been for some days indisposed, on the night of the 4th Oct. at about midnight I was called to see a lady 2 miles distant. The night was cold and raw. I returned to my bed about daylight fatigued and chilly. Three subsequent days I rode and attended to the health of others, when I should have been in my room attending to my own. Too sensibly had I felt the consequences of such a course the year before. But still I could not rest idle when daily calls were made. On Monday 7th after a sever[e] ride and a still severer chill, I reached home with a raging fever. I retired to my office where I was visited by many real and some pretended friends. Amongst the latter were two individuals well calculated to disgrace the profession they know but little about, and the dignity of which the[y] care nothing. Dr. S. with particular good glee a wine glass of peach liqueur every hour, he knew not why, only his own almost idolizing devotion to it. This measure so absurd I strongly opposed. For the last six years I had not drunk a [yill?] of spirits. I had a great antipathy to spirits, and besides, my case was not one to admit of their use. The Dr. urged and I partly deranged from fever, reluctantly yielded and was soon non composmentis. Finding his favorite nostrum or rather meum had failed and I growing worse and caring not whether I sank or swam, as his subsequent conduct proved, Dr. S. gave me over to the celebrated renowned, indefatigable and illustrious Dr. Johnson, not the lexicographer; nor yet the reviewer; but Dr. J. itinerant; no one part of the world being good enough to hold him. Here commenced a train of suffering hitherto unknown to this now emaciated frame. Whilst able to ride I had several times taken calomel and other meds without effect; conjestion and all its train. Phalism and its curses. And under these circumstances the Dr. contented himself with small doses [et al?/ of cal.?]. Dr. J. kindly continued his visits (here let me say that I had waited on both my professional brethren before) gave calomel alone. On next day deeply salivated I remonstrated; he urged me to calmness, and went out as if to prepare a sovereign catholican[?]. That was his last visit. I lay 2 weeks in sight of his house, the great part of time idle and I extremely low; he never saw me again during my illness, neither did Dr. G.[?] S.[?] whom I had recently attended through a severe attack of fever deign to visit me! Accursed envy how heavy is thy yoke, thy burthen how hard to be borne. I shall not enquire into the cause of all this. I have not injured them in word or deed. If I have attended to their patients, 'twas not at my own solicitation not till they had been discarded. For my recovery I am confident that I am greatly indebted to my ever valued friend Doc't. J. W. Dunklin, whose kind attention I shall never cease to remember with feelings of deepest gratitude. On a fine autumnal evening 28. Oct. after a day passed in brooding over the melancholy gloom that had lowered over my affairs, I was cheered by a most welcome invitation from Mrs. H. to ride into the country. Here then I was snugly stowed away in a close carriage with my excellent friend and benefactress and my fair - - - her amiable and accomplished daughter on a pleasure ride of 10 miles. The evening was calm and lovely, the sky clear and serene; while with cheerful converse, with a heart thrilling with warm emotion as it lightly touched on the past the present and the future, we rolled lightly along. The minutes flew on eagles wings. Mile posts passed in rapid succession. All the gloomy thoughts and serious reflections that had long weighed like a deadly incubus upon my mind, and sapped it of its enjoyment, were dispelled as if by magic; giving way to pleasing anticipation and the extacy [sic] of the present moment. As the sun's bright chariot rolled along down the eastern declivity, and approached the horison now blushing to receive his warm embrace, casting back one lingering smile to lull the world to rest; we rolled merely through the neat little villa of C. H. where I had passed many a merry moment. Approaching twilight however admonished us to procede. A few wandering solar rays alone now lingering on the highest towering hills, about to take their flight to the lofty clouds, remained. Anon, a few erratic beams alone display their shining plumes on the lofty turrets of the clouds, like the high soaring bird of heaven, perched on the towering spires of the citadel, as it casts a last lingering look back on the dozing world beneath, before winging his way to the planetary spheres, alone remaining to light our way to the pleasant and oft remembered grove of Pantheron. I have neither time nor words to say how much pleasure I enjoyed at this delightful retreat. For three days that I remained, my time was diversified with the choice company, pleasing and lively conversation of Mrs. H. and her fair daughters and guests, with various games of amusement, books etc. During this time my health had rapidly improved. I left with a degree of spirit unknown to me for a long time. [November 1833] The next [e]vening I passed with Dr. D. and lady. Being anxious to reach home, on the next day 1st Nov. I drove up to Sylvan Grove and was again received into the bosom of my family. Again at home. On the 3rd I rode out to church with Ma where I rec'd. the gratulations of many valued friends and acquaintances. Reflections. After spending several days at Home and at Mr. Crums with sister H. on the 11th I set out to visit my old acquaintances in Butler. Many pleasing scenes of pristine pleasure were past [sic], many a gloomy and solemn reflection brought to mind. The scenes of many youthful excursions were passed through, but alas their beauty had faded, their verdure had withered. No trace of former loveliness remained. Nought but the bare skeleton of pristine joys; the sad and dreary tomb of expired pleasures, of enjoyments consigned to the depths of oblivion. Sadly I passed the tomb of him who once was and now might have been an useful citizen and an ornament to society, fresh on the frostbitten fields beneath the decayed robes of the forest, which like himself had fallen victims to the ruthless ravages of Time. Thursday 12. Call[ed] on my old friend E. Manning. Stop't. to see T. H. Weer, my preceptor and friend, who to all his good sense and learning had added some excentricities [sic] and to his excentricities [sic] some foibles, and amongst these the strange ideas entertained by the notorious Quack Thompson and his adherents as to the damning effect of the mineral kingdom and that the mighty agent steam is as useful in vital as in mechanical operations. Under this strange delusion treated his own case of fever worse and worse and [gone?/gave?] cold. The tomb of T. H. Esqr. who fell victim to age and intemperance, on Butler Ridge under a large Budacassian[?] tree. I knew him well. Meteorick Phenomenon. On the morning of the 12 of November one of the most splendid and beautiful phenomena that I ever witnessed presented itself. About 1/2 past 3 A.M. I was awoke by an extraordinary change of temperature from warm to cold. Gleamings of light as of distant lighting arrested my attention. On looking out at the window with a fair view to the west, I beheld the whole vault of heaven illuminated, as of then thousand blazing meteors flashing through the sky. Like a violent snow fall, meteors from the size of the fire-fly to that of the sky rocket streaked the sky and finely illuminated the earth. Tracks of phosphorescent light for several minutes blaze along the track of the largest meteors, as they make their way through denser strata of atmosphere to the horison. The scene was grand and beautiful, and lasted till merged in a flood of light from the eastern horizon. Many were much alarmed, others were amuse[d]. I was delighted and transported with the beauty and sublimity of the scene. Various conjectures as to the Cause. The weather for several weeks had been exceedingly dry and warm. Much phosp. gas had thus been set free from the decay of organic substances, and suspended in the dry warm atmosphere. The [distinct?] change of temperature, together with atmos. pressure being taken of by the united attractions of the sun and moon, (it being within 24 hr. of change) precipitated the light gas thus suspended. C.E.L. Thursday 13th, 1833 In the afternoon I reached the pleasant site of Altheas[?] Grove. The residence of my old and worthy preceptor, and able and esteemed councilor and friend. I was received as I always wish to be by those I esteem; cordially without affectation. Never did I pass a few days of more social and intellectual enjoyment . . . The doctor, altho' not a man possessed of brilliant talents, is one of sound discriminating judgement, strong natural sense, and an amiable, firm, and decisive character, with unbounded good will towards and regard for his pupils, who regarded him not only as an able instructer in medicine; but as a valued councilor and friend. His amiable disposition, polite and affable manners, together with uncommon success in business, had garnered for him the respect and confidence of his fellow citizens. With a strong solicitude for the welfare of the youth entrusted to his charge, nothing was more gratifying to him than their advancement and prosperity in knowledge and business. With them after their return from the University it was pleasing to converse freely on the improvements in medical science, to which subjects his extensive business left him but little leisure. Phrenology was also to him a branch of delightful investigation. In varied and diversified conversation on these interesting topics were passed several days, a great part of which time was past [sic] on horseback, visiting the Dr.'s patients, etc. to the very great advantage of my health. I shall not soon forget his parting remarks and the earnestness of his expression. "Do" said he, "come over and see me often, and pass as much time as your convenience will admit." When James or you are here, it is an intellectual feast with me." Dr. James W. Dunklin was an elder pupil of Dr. H's and cousin to his amiable lady. This from such a source was indeed flattering and the deep satisfaction [he?/half?] always manifested in such conversation seemed to justify the remark. With me it was literally true it was indeed an intellectual feast. While at Dr. H.'s I became acquainted with Dr. Turner of Montgomery Co., who had come a matter of 25 miles to consult Dr. H. on a difficult case. I took him to be a gentleman in his manners. More of a bookworm than a child of nature. Possessed of some prejudices of the books. On Thursday the 14th it fell in my way to witness a most painful scene. On the evening before a little daughter of Dr. Cook's of Greenville of six years of age, had accidentally fallen from a window in the second story of the house, which had caused such a terrible concussion of the whole frame, that the vital spark seemed fast expiring. All that profession[al] ability could suggest was tried in vain. With painful feelings we saw our best directed efforts baffled. Every ray of hope had vanished. Dispair sat on every countenance. 17. Reached home once more to enjoy sweet repose in that place of all others to me the dearest. There is no place like home. 19. Again set out for home more anxiously than I expected when I left it. Staid [sic] at Dr. D. Called at Mrs. H., and was again welcomed to my adopted home by many friends. Yet there were those who did not welcome me. These I am sorry to say bear the name of the profession. Looks bad - - Can't help it. He whose ill treatment and neglect had merited my just indignation, came I suppose to welcome me home, at least with his tongue, while I at the same time knew he cursed my recovery in his heart; Thus adding insult to injury. I treated him as I felt towards him, and refused his salutation. Believe him a scoundrel and a hypocrite - - Can't go that. Dispise (sic) the priciple too, thoroughly to encourage it by imitation. Can't profess when I don't feel[.] we must forever be strangers. Sunday 24th. I rode out to Church met many friends. Flattered by their simple and true congratulations. Glad to witness the esteem and respect my short stay among them had inspired. My best exertion and faithful services shall ever reward their good will and confidence. Populus meum[?] est municipium[?]. Wednesday 27. With my friend B. H. paid a visit last evening to his ma's. Agreeably entertained, became acquainted with Miss McGownan; Insuperable blues. The 28th. Having built my office on the corner of Capt. H. lot in Benton, at his own kind proposition, entertaining the opinion that my being on it prevented his selling I determenined at once either to move off, or to buy the lot. Accordingly in co. with Benj. Harrison I some time ago bargained for the lots (sic) and this day closed the bargain at four hundred dollars. [December 1833] December 12th. Saw and escorted the Misses H. shopping. Jovial. Last evening my old friend and collegiate Dr. Cowan of Pike Co. formerly of Ten. whom I had not seen since we left the University, called upon me and spent the evening. Nothing can ever afford me more unalloyed pleasure than to meet, under happy circumstances, after a long absence, an acquaintance and friend with whom I have passed many happy hours. Such was Dr. C. In our youth, in our alma mater, where no selfesh motives ever existed to wound our peace or to mar our friendship, where mutual good feeling glowed from breast to breast, we had met and long enjoyed each other's confidence. But our destiny was widely separated. What could be more pleasing than again to meet! Agreeable reflections. 17th Evening at Mrs. ---- By promise recd. letter to Miss C. of Dallas to be the bearer some matter of Gallanty. M. determined to take the fuzzy face and thus engaged, or at least took much pains to make me believe so by innuendo, by etc. etc. Cahaba, Dec. 19th 1833 Arrived here last evening from Benton. Having neglected to have my name recorded as a medc. practitioner in the State, brought down my documents for that purpose. Also on my way to deliver my message to Miss C. Last evening had the pleasure of supping with Judge Smith of So. Ca. "That great and good man," and consistent and able politician and statesman. An honest man Sociable and familiar without affectation. A fine but not very engaging Physiognomy. Well formed but not remarkable head. Knowing organs full, reflecting [do?/no?] fancy moderate. A fine frosty morning. E'er the sun had intruded his unwelcome rays into the dull chamber of slumbering mortals, I had surveyed the banks and surrounding scenery of the two adjacent rivers. How many and how great have been the changes this place had undergone within the last few years. Recently a Savage haunt, a dark forest, a gloomy canebrake, once the far famed emporium of her wealth. Here her legislature met, and gave laws to her citizens. Then this was a busy flourishing place, but now how changed! A few mouldering fragments of dilapidated walls alone remain to tell where once stood the great Mausoleum of Cahaba's splendor. During an extraordinary freshet last spring as the Court had just left its gloomy apartments, wending their way through the highest streets in canoes, while steamboats passed by every door, the old Capitol came down in a thundering crash to the ground. A few broken relicks alone remain to shew "ubi Trogia fuit[?]" P.M. Reached Esqr. C's [12?/19?] miles from C. All 12[?] I had traveled and several more to tell the truth to see Miss Sarah; the sweetest girl by far of my acquaintance, a beautiful face and an accomplished mind; Whom I had seen and somewhat admired last spring at the ball at C. Hill, and subsequently at Mrs. H's. Not being acquainted with any of the family but Miss S. and slightly with her, and she not being at home, I allighted [sic] and made myself as easy as a Kentucky traveler. However Miss S. and her sister soon come in; being doubtful of recognition I named myself and was introduced to the family. Pasd. the evening pleasantly. Fully repaid for my visit. The Ladies however declined the invitation to the Ball in Lowndes, what had been part of my business. Left at 10 with a detemination tho' not declared to visit Dallas again. [pages 99 and 100 missing - note on photocopy says "torn out"] These considerations will for the present, perhaps forever remain an inseperable [sic] barier [sic] to my advances. Time, the great Moralist and Riposer [sic] of events will shortly decide. Then, then I may look back upon my present narrowsightedness, and from it I may learn humility and widsom for the future. Writing relieves my spirits. Reading this poorly written page may hereafter elicit thoughts and reflections that will dissipate for a moment my cares, at some distant period now buried in the mists of futurity. Ranting, ranting!! 23. Last evening became acquainted with Rev. Mr. Witherspoon, with whom I had the pleasure of passing the evening. A very intelligent man, easy manners. Conversation on the subject of Talents etc. which led to metaphysical discourse and that to my favorite science Phrenology, with which the Dr. was much plesed. Many amusing anecdotes related. That of the Eagle's nest on the north river where the young man became instantly gray. Conversation turned on schools of the country. He agreed with me that all our institutions of learning were based on wrong principles. Too much vanity and idleness encouraged. Profs. Caldwell and Dudley applauded. Remarks on various operations. Exhilerating [sic] gas etc. 24. Answered a polite and long expected letter from my old classmate J. G. - [?] now in Tuscaloosa. Just as I was about setting out for home according to promise, was call[ed] off on professional business. Bother. Reached Church Hill near sunset. Past [sic] a most agreeable and merry evening at Mrs. H's. Christmas morning. Fine morning. gleeful company. Solicited rather encourageingly by Miss J[?] to go up to the Ball at Hayneville in a few days. Cant say why. Rather ungallant to refuse. Had a plague of a notion of breezing her. Left however for home. Met Dr. D. on his way to see a sick man. Went on with him. On entering a low smokey log hut we saw enveloped in blankets near the crater of smoke and soot a wretched picture of human apostacy [sic]. A young man gray with age, a youth of most splendid fortune, who never had known the want of anything that money could procure, lay low in poverty and affliction; not poverty in pecuniary matters, for he yet was affluent, but money had no worth to him. Left to his own guidance he had grown up in habits of dissipation. From one degree to another he had drifted till he became a perfect sot, bloated and amaciated. While others were everywhere merry and light spirited, here lay wretched and forlorn the child of fortune, a prey to the bitterest remorse. I contemplated the scene with mingled and painful emotion, and left him with many a serious reflection. Reached home. Pasd. a pleasant day or too [sic] there and with sister H. "There is no place like home." 25. I proposed to Dr. D. a plan for the purpose of bringing into effect a Medical Society of the State, or at least of ascertaining whether the thing be practicable or not. Address a circular to the leading characters in the profession in the state relative to the matter, and after ascertaining its practicability to call a general convention at such time and place as might be thought convenient, composed of representatives from each County. The plan was acceded to by us, and shall soon be put to the test. 28. Dr. Dunklin and myself having previously agitated the (question) subject for the promotion of our mutual interest and that of our friends entered into a kind of copartnership in business for the ensuing year. Article to be drawn up and agreed to etc. Monday 30th. Several things worthy to be seen in our village. Caravan's Circus, Paintings etc. Assembly of Ladies, became acquainted with Mrs. Col. McCord, very intellegent lady. Miss McG. and Misses H. also. Indulged a little gallantry with the utmost impunity. Calld. off on prof. business. Left the gang dispersing. 31st 10 o'clock P.M. After passing several hours of anxious solicitude at the bedside of the afflicted, having composed my mind with sweet notes of flute and violin, I set [sic] me down to serious reflections upon past events, and to watch the last hours of the expiring year. If there be any evening in the year, any [period?] of all others most solemn; a time for reflection and soul wrap'd meditation on on [word repeated] time and ever lasting things. A time for considering what we once were, what we now are and what we must shortly be. A time when mortal man should make the solem[n] investigation, What and where am I? What shall I be, and where shall I exist. A time when, of all others the expanded soul should hold communion with its God. This, this is that hour. While the body of another year is silently breathing its last, and its spirit passing into eternity; while all nature is hushed in utter silence; while the sable curtains of night envelope the world in utter darkeness; while profoundest sleep enshrouds all animated nature, and consigns the boasted faculties of man to utter oblivion; 'tis sweet, 'tis sublimity itself to moralize on natures decay, and the lap[s]e of time, with the continual revolution of all sublimary things. How short the time since I welcomed in the present year. Now tis breathing its last. How solemn the thought: a few more revolving seasons and all now on this earth must pass like the baseless fabric of a vision. [How?] must [I] go, and whither? "And am I borne to die?" Yes, strange as it seems, the time soon will come when I must lay down this mortal tenement. The time will shortly come when I must leave all that is dear on earth. When the last link that binds me to this world must be broken. Those I love must be forgotten. Friends may watch over my expiring moments, and mourn over my humble grave for a moment, then rest by my side. The places that know me now will still exist, but will know me no longer. And shall I still exist? Shall I still live in another world? Yes the tongue that cannot lie hath said the soul of man must live forever. Yes, there's something in [the] recesses of my own consciousness that says "I shall not wholly die." There is some particula[r] divine aurae [sic] that must be miserable or forever ineffably [best?/last?/lost?]. May then a happy destiny await me, father of mercies, for the sake of him who thou hast sent to save those that were lost; and now, father, who art in heaven take me and all that are dear or should be dear to me, into thy holy keeping. Let the ensuing year be spent more in conformity to thy holy will. Be thou our father and our God. Render our last days our best days. let us not be led into temptation, but deliver us from every evil, for thine is the power and the glory forever. [January 1834] January 19. 1834. For the last 20 days one continued round of professional business. From one scene of suffering and distress to another. Little to amuse, little to interest and less to be enjoyed, but the consciousness of doing good, of being servicable to my distressed fellow beings. This is a source of consolation attached to the divine profession that I hope will soothe my cares through the pilgrimage of life, and beam brightly on my last, last moments. My efforts too under a propicious [sic] dispensation, have been imminently blessed. Altho' I have had the charge of many lives intrusted to care and attention, Thank heaven thus far I have lost none. On the 8th of sub'eq. racing etc. in Benton. No amusement however to me. I was busily and hope better employed. Today paid a visit to the prairies on profl. business. With my friend and colleague performed paracentesis abdominis for ascitis[?] with umbilical rupture drew of[f] 1 gal. water. Called and took tea at Mrs. --. Miss - as charming as ever. Personal invitation to tarry all night, solicitations for myself etc together with the look the manner. Came very near captivating me. Does she really esteem me so highly, or is she coquettish? A knotty question. Meditate its unravalment [sic] soon. Curiosity at least must be satisfied. All I care[for?]. A beautiful moon light ride with musing on past and future events. [Meditate must?/ Meditatum est?] address to my [declaim?] Jany. 20. Left Benton in the morning for Rocky Mount in order to make arrangements for sending sister E. C. to school. Crossd. river at Loch [Renza?]. Passd. Washington and arrived at the mount before tea. Stopd. at Mr. Fay's, the superintendent of the institution. Was politely recd. and introduced to Mrs. F. Mrs. Olmsted and Miss Allen, with all of whom I was much pleased. Pasd. the evening partly in conversation relative to the school etc. and partly in lissening [sic] to Miss A. at the piano, an excellent performer. Entered into Phrenological discussion. Ladies much pleased with the science. Would like to cultivate it. After breakfast next morning made satisfactory arrangements. Listened to Miss Allen's music. Recd. invitation to pay them a visit etc. Hoped soon to have the pleasure of hearing Miss A. again and took leave. Thursday 23. Having been invited to a wedding some evenings before. B. H. and myself contrived a merry joke on a young friend for the sake of his company. All went on very well but just as we were about riding in comes a profl. call from another part of the compass. Must be obeyed at the expense of all the anticipated fun. Returned too late. Set [sic] down in my office alone to meditate and above all to write all sorts of a letter to my fair mistress. 29. Reached home from Cedar Creek yesterday. Brought sister up in a gig calculating to go up to the mount by land but bad roads, bad weather, etc. prevented and determined to wait for a boat. 30. Steamboat Dover. Last night after tea went on board the st.bt., a fine evening's ride up the Ala. River. Reached Washington early this morning. Procured a gig and rode out to the mount. Introduced sister C. to her school mistress Mrs. F, manner quite engaging. 31. Rode up to Coosada with Mr. F; fine site but no town. Dined with Dr. Reid, formerly from So. C. Returned P.M.; found sister E. quite satisfied and in fine spirits. [February 1834] February 1. Took leave of my dear sister, and left at sunrise for Washington. Sauntered about in the thrice perplexing suspense of waiting for a steam boat. Left in the evening. 2. A most pleasant morning. Romantic and beautiful scenery along down the Alabama. Became acquainted with Dr. Whetstone, with whom I was much pleased. Reached home at 10, and set to business. 12. Again does it fall to my lot to suffer from the infamous villany of man; I have long firmly believed that a medical man when a rascal is of all others the d---dest. And my opinion is not in the least weakened by men of this character of Late. Dr. [cut off] [Wilkins]. [pages 109 and 110 missing] [March 1834] 1st Received a letter from Sister E. C. Much grateful to receive a letter from her beloved hand, but much pained to hear of her ill health. Nothing I am glad to think but the measles. If I thought anything serious no ordinary circumstances could prevent my seeing her. This line however gives me much concern, "My dear brother, you know not the trouble I see here." This grieves me. I hope it may have arisen only from the excitement of the moment and her ill health. It could not be otherwise. She asks me to write to her as soon as I receive hers. That I will and may it render her better satisfied and more happy. I am persuaded there is no friendship, no love so pure, so holy as that that exists between a brother and a sister. Tis by far the sweetest drop in the cup of my life. The love I bear my dear little sister is the most endearing, the most delightful theme I can possibly indulge, ever hightened [sic] to be the sense of its being reciprocal. 2nd Sunday Became acquaintanced with Mr. Perrin a clergyman. Preached in Benton today. A perfect bookworm, and the greatest egoist I ever saw. 3rd. Saw and conversed with Dr. Watkins of Mobile an old associate of Transylvania, and fellow traveler from Tennessee to Tuskaloosa. A fine noble hearted man. Social conversation on various matters, old acquaintances, or former adventures, present prospects, etc. 4. Went up to Hayneville on business for my friend Watkins. Passed Lowndesboro' for the first time did not call. 5. Saw Pa in Benton. Rcd. note to put in Montgomery Bank. 6. Was much pained that the mail went out without my sending a letter to Sister, as I intended and as I know she expected. This gave me the more pain as she was in bad health when she wrote me and will be disappointed when the mail arrives and she does not hear from me. Have a great notion to visit R. Mt. next week. 12th Addressed a letter to sister, with conditional promise of seeing her next week. Most inspiring weather after the most gloomy. 14. Miss C. and her sister visited Benton. Symptoms some slight flushing, quick perturbed pulse with palpitations etc. As she walked by my door, I was busy in writing a letter to her brother a young officer etc. Did not recognise her or dei[g]n to speak, because it did not come in the way. 15. Saw Pa in Benton, much elated with the idea of Speculation in the province of Texas, New Mexico. He and Mr. Crum contemplate setting out for that country next month, in a trip of discovering etc. Pa contemplates settling a colony; or at least of taking with him 10 families which will -tch[?] him to an additional reserve. Somewhat in favor of the project, especially of his taking a trip to that far country. But more hereafter. 16th Sunday. C. Hill. Saw and heard my esteemed friend Rev. Mr. Crumpton. A very impressive discourse on practical unbelief. Also saw Dr. Wm. Dunklin, just returned from Trans. University. Conversed much and long about our Ky acquaintances, incidents, etc. Heard with some surprise that one anxiously expected my return to Ky who would under all considerations unite her destiny with mine, which can never, never be. Altho' virtuous, amiable, intelligent, handsome, good family, and all that, and altho' assured once by herself that "the most happy of her days had been passed in my company," about this day two years ago we parted with no other verbal pretensions, but that of friendship. She may be disappointed. I may have caused her to be unhappy, but not intentionally. Intentionally to render a lady unhappy or to excite hopes not to be realized I never have, I never will. But our destinies are far far asunder, never, never to be united. May she be happier than I am able to render her, bothered and perplexed with my own reflections I set down. March 19th. Saw the Siamese Twins. Came up to Montgomery last evening. Met several of my former acquaintances. Great improvement since I visited this place before about 7 years. Shewing the rapid growth and improvement of the surrounding country. Visited Theatre last evening. Popular play of Father and daughter performed with much applause. Last evening a most melancholy circumstance took place. After supper a young gent was invited by his supposed friend to walk. They had proceded but a short distance, when the supposed friend drew a pistol from his pocket, and shot him through the head. The young man survived but a short time. The cause I understand was some love scrape or other. The [working?] hot [head?] of such manly [stripe?/strife?]. In the afternoon passed up the river, crossed at Coosauda, and went down to Rockey Mount. Had the pleasure to find Sister Eliza in good health having quite recovered from the measles. Found her better pleased with the school than with her boarding house. Passed the evening, a lovely evening in spring, in sweet conversation with my dear sister. 20th This morning having made arrangements for her commencing the study of Latin language took leave of Eliza. Left the dear little girl in tollerable [sic] spirits and anxious in the pursuit of her studies. May guardian angels watch over and protect the dear little innocent. March 21st Cedar Creek. Soon after my arrival in Benton last evening was called upon by Pa in haste to visit Mr. Crum who is lying very ill. Left Benton 1/2 after 8 P.M. and after a long and tiresome night's ride reached this place about daylight. 24. For these 4 days it has been my painful duty to watch over a sick brother. Mr. C. afflicted with inflamation of Brain and Thoracic viscera, has not yet become sane in mind. And notwithstanding the best directed means in our power, his case still continues doubtful. As bad cases however have lately terminated favorably under my care, which enables me to hope with some confidence for his recovery. March 26th. 11 o'clock P.M. Left alone once more. Day before yesterday returned from C. Creek. Saw and conversed with Br. William at Woodville Acadamy [sic]. Engaged in professional labor. How great and how wonderful are the vicissitudes in human affairs that Time is constantly producing. More than half a century ago there waged a war not only of words but of blood between my ancestors and a branch of the same family, or at least a close connexion the Mills. It was a long and bloody conflict. Kindred blood was shed in mutual stife. Col. M. a loyal officer of great distinction was taken prisoner and executed at King's Mountain. His nephews, amongst whom was my beloved grandfather L. belonged to the opposing Army and were present at the scene. As shocking as it must have been to their feelings, their Country demanded the Sacrifice. These two families I believe never met on friendly terms. This evening I met in a youth of fine appearance a lineal descendant of that family. Mr. J. [res?/was?] of my native State and district, whose mother Eliza Mills was cousin to grandpa. Thus after more than half a century have we their descendants met on friendly terms. He is possessed of great wealth, as indeed are all of that extensive family. Unfortunately or otherwise, it matters not, we are entirely opposed in political sentiment. He a strong advocate for the doctrines of Nullification which I consider not far short of ancient Toryism. Thus it appears we were never born to agree; but like the Loving Brothers our ashes may forever refuse to commingle. Well be it so. We once were right, I believe we are not now in the wrong. Does it not appeart [sic] at least hard that the offspring of those who opposed their country's best interests, when that country most needed their services, should wallow in all the luxuries of appliance and ease; under the vine and fig tree protection of our glorious institutions; while the children of those who fought and bled for their country and sacrificed their all to it cause, should writhe under the heavy yoke of indigence?! But I forget. Poverty is not criminal nor is there glory in wealth, nor happiness bought with glittering dust or the sweat of slaves. [April 1834] Thursday, April 3rd Left on board the st.bt. Chippewa at daylight for Mobile. After a most pleasant and romantic trip along a fine river meandering through a most delightful country, on the 5th we reached the port of Mobile. A splendid morning. All life and business. Called on my friends and attended to business. Mobile, Apl. 6. Cathedral of Mobile, just popd. in to wile away an hour and feed on novelty, I believe more than anything else. Amidst that profound awe and impressive silence that prevails before divine service, I write. Have strolled away the forenoon with Dr. W. D. my companion [on] the Trip, midst the confines of one of the most flourishing cities in the south, erected on the river of --- But I must stop the last bell has wrung. The solemn rites begin. Heard a sermon in French. Could barely get the general outline. Monday 7. Employed in the busy City. Dined at Mr. Austill's. Took tea with my old friend and collegiate Dr. R. Watkins. Became acquainted with his amiable Lady. Also with her Sister Miss Drauhon[?], an interesting young lady. Played on Piano etc. etc. Tuesday Dined aboard Chippewa. Tea at Dr. W's. Introduced to Miss Parsons of Claiborne. With ladies visited Theatre. Saw Mr. Cooper the celebrated Tragedian. Also the accomplished Miss Clara Fisher. Wednesday evening. Tragedy of Virgini[a]ns[?]. Mr. Cooper and Daughter. Thursday. Left Mobile at Sunrise Sunday 17th [13?] Arrived safely at Benton. Met my friends and was at home. Monday staid [sic] Mrs. Dunklins with Br. William. Called next morning at Mrs. Austill's. Went home, found all well. Tuesday night at Mr. Bragg's. Saw the amiable consort of my friend lately from So. Ca. Saw and conversed with young Dr. B. who gave me a most flattering account of my esteemed friends in Ky. Together with an emblematical present from Miss --- etc. Wednesday 20. [16?] Arrived at home. Had the honor of being elected one of the trustees of the Town of B. No small honor, by the bye should Benton ever rival N. York. Elected Secretary and treasurer, an honor I would fain decline. 24. Disappointed in going to a great party in Cahaba; by press of business and want of inclination. Dined at Dr. D's. Called at Pantheron. [illegible] Wrote to sister E. Saturday night April 19th How vain it is to form a resolution against all the strong [heaps?/brasses?] of our nature. But stop my pen, utter not another word, lest in anger I dash the[e] from the liquid fount that makes the[e] prolific. I have no business and less inclination. I stay at home. Recd. a very polite invitation from Esqr. Gayle of Cahaba to a party at his house in a few days. Talked politics with the uncle and laughed with the nieces, Mrs. [cut off] Saturday Night April 19th Having just returned from a long ride in the country a most beautiful moon light, I sit down to my reflections. Last night till 12 o'clock I sat by the bedside of an afflicted and dying man. A valued fellow citizen must soon be called hence by that most insidious and inexorable of all bodily maladies, Pulmonary Consumption. Some years since he had left the land of his fathers, to seek in a southern clime that health that his own had denied him. For some time his most sanguine hopes seemed to be realized. But alas, it was but the vain illusion of the arch flatterer Hope. Some time since, a severe attack of measles had left his lungs in a weakened and irritated condition. His health continued to decline with a pace that threatened soon to reach the Last goal of Humanity. His afflicted brother, a physician, hastened to him. All the powers of the healing art were exerted in vain. The grim mesenger [sic] is unmasking his haggard visage, and displays his menaces to all around, but to his unhappy victim. He altho now in the last gasp, altho' feebly struggling with the monster death, still hopes; still expects to live. So insidious are the ravages of this grand enemy to human life, so alluring its near and still more near approach, and while he draws the dagger to strike the last mortal stab, puts on a benignant smile, and encourages illuring [sic] hope. But soon the struggle ends, and exhausted nature sinks to repose in endless slumbers. 2 o'clock. There calmly and peacefully expired our valued friend and esteemed fellow Citizen George Burt. Sunday 20th Consigned the mortal remains of our valued friend to the narrow confines of the tomb. A most impressive and solemn scene. The procession of many citizens moved about 9 o'clock for Mount Gilead Burying ground, distant 4 1/2 miles. A more lovely morning could not be imagined; which contrasted with the mournful scene before us, was awfully impressive. Deeply afflicted in mournful silence, the brother of the deceased accompanied the Solemn band. It was a day of Publick worship at the Mount. A large concourse of people had assembled. With heartfelt grief, but with redeeming hope, we consigned our brother to the great Mother of us all. "Dust ot dust." But not forgotten. No. Of his worth as a man, as a citizen, as a scholar; of the strictness of his morality, or the soundness of his understanding, and of the goodness of his heart, he has left a living monument in the bosom of all that knew him. 20 P.M. Heard an affecting sermon from Rev. Mr. Crumpton. Dined at Church Hill. Past [sic] the evening with ---- not without some painful feelings, having unintentionally as I was informed, suffered my conduct to give rise to hopes or at least expectations not to be realized. But this in some and even in myself altho' it might flatter vanity, is a painful theme. A moonlight walk with etc. etc. Heard things painfully pleasing; But why they should be either to me I can not tell. How often are we compelled to dispise [sic] duplicity where we have reposed so much of confidence. Yes I see it. They are both in each other much deceived. In her constancy and firmness I reposed unbounded confidence. In his honesty, integrity, and virtue she [dressed?] not of disappointment. Adieu to happiness. Monday 11 [21?] at night Today heard sermon from Rev. Mr. Worthington. Just returned from visiting a most interesting Lady. Short sociable with Mr. and Mrs. Fry. Conversation Theatres, Performances, etc. Much pleased with Mrs. F. Honored with invitation to call frequently. Promised myself that pleasure. Tuesday 22nd. Dined at Mr. F's. Conversation Lady's fair Mobile etc. etc. PM. Heard that my name was announced as a candidate for legislature. All a mistake. No politician. Moreover my political principles are not popular at this time in this County. When candidates are chosen and supported from merit, and not as the mere tools of Party, I may consent to offer my name, but not before. 23. Met the Trustees of the town of Benton and was qualified to discharge the duties of secretary of that body. An office of trouble but neither of profit or honor. [May 1834] May. Again has this month of Poetry and of flowers returned, and -[?] 5. Recd. a letter from Sister Caroline at Rocky Mount Acadamy [sic]. Tells me she is studying Latin. Rather homesick I fear. 6. Put my reflections I[n] a long epistle to Sister. Quotations. "Too Long, my dear Eliza, has the female mind been looked upon as the nursery of Vanity and Passion; while the noble sentiments there have been almost denied a place. This is an egregious error, the result, I imagine, of a false education, or of no education at all. It is worse than pagan philosophy, or rather pagan want of philosophy, that comtemplates woman as a slave rather than an enlightened companion. And it is too much to be lamented, even in this enlightened age, that girls are educated more like parots [sic] than intelligent beings. Instead of useful and practical science and knowledge, which is so justly their due, a mere smattering of vanities, dignified with the name of accomplishments, is all they are thought worth possessing! Ten thousand things render this state of things worthy to be regretted. But I should weary your patience, my dear Caroline, by attempting to enumerate a part only of these considerations here. I hope my sister you will see the bearing of these reflections. Make the accessation of useful knowledge your aim; and as a base upon which to build I highly recommend some acquaintance at least with the Latin tongue. (Latin Classics). You will then have time and opportunity for every other useful accomplishment. I acknowledge with you, my dear, that it is an arduous pursuit, like climbing a steep hill. 'Tis a rugged path, beset with many difficulties, but still as you travel up the steep, there are on every side sweet flowers to delight, and at the end rich fruits to reward. Remember there is no rose briar so rough and thorny as that which is crowned with the sweet damask rose." May 8th What a wayward creature is man! Yesterday without the least forethought I came well nigh getting into a difficulty with one who I have considered a friend. A[?]. Mc-[?] who had lately declared himself a candidate for the Legislature; too highly stimulated as is unfortunately too often the case with him, made an assault from little or no cause on a young friend. I altho' in the same room humming a tune to the notes of my violin, had not observed what was going on till just as Mc. was in the act of striking young -[?] with a chair. I immediately interfered, arrested the chair from his grasp; and attempted to quell the affair. But turning to Mc. I saw him apparently in the act of drawing weapons, whereupon, seizing him by the arms, I wrung him sprawling in the street, but not wishing reflections on this subject appear in subsequent letters. (1835) 12th Last night with Brother Wm. at Mrs. D's. Just recovering from measles. Yesterday rather adventurous. A few gleeful hours at C. Hill. Much flattered by Miss M. for whose sake my visits must hereafter be few and far between. That fairy land where dwells that fairy Queen; fairer than the fairest queen of May. Reception after long absence flattering. Mrs. and Miss alone, not so [cool?] or [distant?] as expected. Tete a tete, a most lovely May day surrounded by nature, richest charms, Birds, flowers. No, the causes of former embarrasment, had fled, forever fled. Sprightly and sentimental we touched on friendship and its many falacies [sic]. "Ah," said I, "M--- too true alas was the remark of the sentimentalist that, 'The friendships of the world are oft/ Confed'racies in vice or leagues in pleasure.' Among our own acquaintences, there are those who, while they extend the hand of friendship, meditate on injury and perhaps our ruin, while others may be leagued together to promote their own selfish and perhaps vicious ends. To[o] often indeed are we compelled to dispise [sic] duplicity where we so lately reposed so much confidence; and often indeed is that confidence so innocently reposed turned against us for the most malignant [oppressions?]. There are those, not unknown to you etc. etc. Against such perfidy even the sacred mantle of innocence and virtue is not always secure. . . ." Not to be misapprehended by the accomplished sensibility to which they were addressed, "Yes," said ---, "there are those who visit this house who are actuated by no friendly motives to this family." . . . but its not a pleasant theme. ["]Nothing, however could have elicited these remarks but a sincere regard for your welfare, but this is so much the profession of those who would deceive that I do not ask you to believe me f---[false?] for ought I care. But remember the [hints?] of caution. But certainly, m--; this is a sage matter for discussion, pardon its introduction; Come let us pay our respects to the flowers." Conversed confidentially on confidential matters. That girl, with all her accomplishments is born to be unhappy. She can not be otherwise. Saturday 17. Military Election at C. Hill. Evening at Dr. D. Dr. off on professional business. Another to the one thousand and one proofs of its disagreeableness. 18. Visited Paternal home. All in good cheer. 19. Having long been barely reconciled to make the practice of medicine the business of my life, and having long been desirous of some knowledge of the law, and wishing to devote some of my leisure hours to its study, I had determined to call on some legal friend for the necessary instruction as to the best system of study etc. My reasons for this I have not leisure now to detail, but shall fully at a more convenient time. Pursuant to this determination, by the way, about 2 o'clock this afternoon I drew up to the rural mansion of the Hon. R. Saffold, a man of high standing, not only for his legal attainments, but alike for his moral and intellectual worth. The Judge was alone in his study. A modest rap made him visible (Mind I was a total stranger to the Judge.) No servile frippery or dignified banter appeared in his manner but republican neatness and dignity. After taking the liberty to mention my name, being seated, and passing a few commonplace remarks, "Well," said I, "Judge," in a frank and modest tone and gesture, "I have taken the liberty to call on you today, rather unceremoniously to be sure, for the purpose of availing myself of your advice relative to study which I wish to pursue." Without any pause he replied with dignified gravity, "Well, sir, that's rather an unprofitable business, we'll dispatch it as soon as possible." Rather Crackstick[?] (laconic[?]) thinks I, but we'll shuffle and deal [again?/as ---ent?], a s-----[?]. With much composure and some earnestness, I went on to say that I had made study pretty much the business of my life, and that in study as well as in all other things, I considered System of much value etc. That I had not as yet determined to make a profession of the Law, but that I considered some legal knowledge at least necessary for every Citizen of a republick, and indispensible to him who laid any claim to Science etc., that it was for the purpose of ascertaining the best course of reading most conducive to this end that I had done myself the honor to call upon him. Here the Judge did me the honor to recognise me as having been mentioned to him by my worthy friend Mrs. H, a relative of his Honor. He the[n] went into a communicative detail of the course of reading, etc. necessary to the ends I had in view. Recommending in the first place of couse Blackstone's Commentaries on the Laws of England, and [Kent's?] [words cut off] [on American Law?] etc. Remembering the introductory observation, I now took up my hat preparatory to making my exit, when the old Jocky became more sociable, politely asked me to sit longer; ordered cool water; and entered freely into conversation. Political questions of the day. Great bank question. Fully sustained the President. Spoke with no less of sound [sense?] than warmth, against the political course of the Bankitry[?]. With the leading sentences as well as detailed opinions of the Judge I was fully pleased. After pasing several hours I took my leave, but not without acknowledging obligations etc. Was honored with a polite invitation to call again etc. The Judge's manner as the rather old English; was polite and agreeable. Family were not at Home. 21. Rcd. a letter from Sister at Rocky Mount Acadamy [sic] requesting to pay a visit soon. The little creature is no doubt anxious to see some of her family. It has now been nearly 5 months since she left home, which she says seems to her as 12. Shall visit the mount soon. 24. Yesterday engaged in making Bylaws for the town of Benton. What a low, mean, infamous creature is man, at least some men. Here are we the town Council appointed without our wish or consent; still however elected, and acting under the obligation of an oath, without fee or reward, when our time is so much needed elsewhere; under all these unenviable circumstances the[re] are some individuals in this town, mean and trifling enough to throw obstacles in the way, and make all possible opposition to the exercise of Justice and reason in a great measure because they were not appointed themselves to regulate matters. Individuals actuated by such base and unmanly motives are not worth a place in a civilized community. Give them the power and they would eclipse Lycurgus himself. Oh renowned lights of modern Legislation! Ye blazing Stars of Jurisprudence! 29. Addressed a letter to J. G. D. Esqr. of Tuscaloosa a former classmate of mine. Have promised sister E. C. to pay her a visit tomorrow between 4 and 5 P.M. 31st Left yesterday for Rocky Mount. Detained all night at Mr. [Goulson's?] by the rain. This morning found sister Eliza somewhat indisposed. In afternoon took a very pleasant ride in barrouch with sister E. and her schoolmate Miss M. Kelly. Conversed on useful studies, Latin literature, manners of people etc. passed the evening pleasantly. [June 1834] Sunday June 1st Church in neighborhood. Conversed with Mrs. Olmsted on Evidence of Christian Religion etc. Monday 2nd After giving sister much advice with respect to her studies, encouragement in her progress and promising her in three weeks at the examination etc. took leave for Benton. Wednesday June 4th 1834 Dined yesterday at C. Hill. On my return found the legal works which I some time since ordered from Mobile. This morning set down to my legal studies. But first of all my reasons for this course of study. The Medical sciences are noble, interesting, and worth the attention of the most gifted understanding. I shall never repent the time, labor, and money I have bestowed in medical pursuits, but the practice of medicine is quite a different matter. There I am compelled to share all the sufferings of humanity, to sympathise [sic] with with [word repeated] all the afflictions, and all the pains that flesh is heir to, while I share but few of its pleasures. To the a[n]xiety which we feel in the discharge of our professional duties; to sense of the responsibility that rests upon us; to the anguish we often feel at witnessing scenes of suffering and keen distress that we are not able to remedy, all the pains and suffering arising from unseasonable hours; inclemencies of weather, and the privation of domestick and social enjoyment, are some drops in the bitter cup that falls to the lot of the practitioner of medicine. For the last two years I have suffered severely from the prevailing fever of the seasons, brought on from labor and exposure. I can bear all this while the vigor of youth remains, but can I reconcile to myself this mode of existence for life? No such a business would wear out a constitution of brass. And besides, it is not an employment suited to age. It is an employment of so little an---ent, that to secure a competency requires the exerting of a whole life. And besides all this, it is not a profession to which due honor is attached, at least in this country. I consider some legal science at least indispensible to a gentleman and a scholar. Every individual ought in a free country to know something at least of the Laws under which he lives. With these views I set down to my legal studies, never expecting to rue the day. Whether I shall make it a profession or not is a question yet s-[?] judice[?]. "Forti et fideli ---it[?] est difficile," be my motto. I am not willing however, to quit the profession of medicine, without endeavoring at least to add something to its dignity; without making some effort to elevate its standard; to make it here what it ought to be, the most exalted of the learned profs. With these views I have made some humble attempt to form in the first place a medical society of the county. Received but little support. Intend as long contemplated to address a circular to medical men thoughout the state to inquire into the expediency and urge the importance of forming a state medical society. The main object to be to elevate the dignity and to advance the usefulness of the profession. If this appeal be not heard, I can retire with a consciousness of having done [or] at least made efforts to do my profession my duty. June 6. Just returned from witnessing a scene of family distress and affliction that I was unable to relieve. I was called to a sick child of a neighboring minister. For its recovery there is no hope. Such scenes are too severe for a sensitive heart. I am compelled to suffer all the pains of a wounded Sympathy, without being able to give relief to the suffering. I had almost come to the conclusion to retire from a business that imposes upon me such thrice unpleasant necessities. With my pursuits however, at present, I should be satisfied. As some time since intimated, I made Blackstone's Commentaries my study. The study is deeply interesting and will abundantly reward the student for his time and pains. My other vocations however will preclude that attention that the subject merits. 13. For the last few evening we have been entertained by a party of actors who have retired to the country for the summer. Last night "Douglas," in which Mrs. [Carey?/Coney?/Covey?] and Mr. Nickerson appeared with much applause. Night befor[e] "Pizarro or Death of [Bolla?]" Thus it is with the world, when pleasure opens the door disappointment enters. Last evening, the labors of the day over, as we were all sitting on the portico awaiting tea, discussing the merits of the actors, their amusements etc. and enjoying a rich treat in anticipation of the evening, sever[al] of my friends having just arrived in town. There rode up at half speed a "pinetuckian" of the pinetuckians of Pinetucky. "Well, Doctor, I want you to go with me in a monstrous hurry. Mrs. G. . . . and can't get no . . . and wants you to come quick." The d---l she does; thinks I. Blessed fruits of a Doctorship. Last night while enjoying with agreeable company the tragedy of Douglas, I was twice called to attend the sick, and now I am doomed to quit abruptly, no matter what all that's here, push of[f] 6 miles, to ruminate upon the vicisitudes of Life. There, My Diary, I could recite a Curious tale, from nature herself of gran-[?] and helldames, and all manner and sorts of dames. But stop, who knows but we may be separated, and that thou mayst yet be doomed to fall into the hands of some idle gossip, which may heaven forbid. Thou must tell no tales. Therefore hear none. Salutation from the tuckians all along this morning. "Hello, Doctor, how's Mrs. G . . . Has she . . . what is the . . . well, well . . . sick luck." and a thousand other expressions of equal tendernes. Heavens! thinks I, what kindness in the [natives?]. Sunday 15. Sermon from Mr. C. at C. Hill. Dwelt on the propriety of educating ministers, etc. Dined at C. Hill. Tete a tete with Miss M. Wished her more happy than I could ever be able to render her. 17. Last evening at Mrs. Borlands. Miss LaFayette. Education, etc. 18. Yesterday visited Mrs. H. who had been idle for some time past. Staid [sic] two evenings. Miss J. conversation on friendship and interest. Delusion of hope. Love, whether voluntary or not. Agreed to disagree. She [is] destined to be unhappy. 19. This evening was to have been at Rocky Mount, but unfortunately have failed, which gives me much pain, for my dear sister will be disappointed. Must set out tomorrow. 20. Left C. Hill at 10 A.M. for Rocky Mount, reached near sunset. Was met with a gladly welcome by my little sister, Eliza Caroline. The examination had just closed. My dear sister was a bird uncaged. Passed the evening moderato. Found I was mistaken in supposing a Yankee had a soul. 21. With sis E. set out in my gig for home, in company with Mr. Kelly and sister. Dined at Mrs. Lenair's. After a very pleasant 'though rather warm day's ride, reached Mr. Haralson's where we passed the evening quite agreeably. Sunday 22. Called at Mrs. H's much pained to find my valued friend still quite indisposed, not less than to find my young friend and partner B. H. confined with the fever. Misses however quite cheerful. Passed the time with the family till Monday morning. 23. Through some difficulty from bad roads, bad weather, etc. we reached home and were again received into the bosom of our family. A little holyday [sic]. All cheerfulness. Business however prevented my staying more than a few hours. Said goodbye and set out for Benton. Staid [sic] at Mrs. D's. Saw brother Will. 24. Reached C. Hill early. Saw S-[?] McMean, with whom in the days of my medical pupilage I was intimate. 26. Again in my shop. Yes. There's no use in disputing it. Too many proofs have been lately added to those already in my possession, to satisfy me that there is no deserved dependence in man. That all his fair pretensions are mere chaff before the wind, that you may buy him but that you have nothing to expect from his disinterested sense of right. As kind and as complaisant [sic] as these fair people have been, 'tis but a sham, a mere shallow pretense. Mean selfishness is the main spring of all their actions. I might exemplify but 'tis a hateful theme. 'Tis pity that parents and guardians entrust their Children and Wards to the tutelar[y] care of those who regard their Sacred Charge as the peddlar [sic] does his merchandise. What pity 'tis that we must employ Yankees alike to peddle [us?] [his] ware, and to instruct our youth. Boys can shift for themselves, can form pretty much their own characters, but here are little misses, put under the care of instuctors who must have around them their favorite beaux, Yankee folks, of course, who must do themselves the honor to amuse the young ladies, spouting nonsensical small talk, screaching [sic] out their silly laughter [is] all the puny devils are fit for. The Misses must please the beaux in a moon light walk. A set of hangers on, a parcel of trifling puppies too lazy to work and too poor to live without it. Such chaps can not come under my wing. June 28. Another victim of disipation [sic] had bid the world good night. Last evening a gloomy and sad for the season; I was called in haste to a young man who had through accident been left in a state of utter mental alienation, in the house of a stranger. Indeed we were all alike strangers to each other. It was dark when I reached the humble abode, the fair heavens were robed in gloomy tapestry. Nature seemed suited in the livery of distress. My conductor led me through a narrow shed that appeared wrecked by the decay of many years. Through a narrow drooping apeture, used as a door, we made our way into the low dark apartment that had once been the abode of bats and vipers. The room was dimly lighted by a single pale flickering taper that sat on a small bench in the middle of the house. In the dimly illuminated corner of this gloomy cell streached [sic] upon a low, uneasy pallet, with horror I beheld the haggard form of what once had been a man, but now a phrenzied mortal in frantick delirium. On approaching and examining him, I found the damp of death was upon him, cold and pulseless as a marble statue. From the high cerebral inflamation there continued one shocking fit of raging madness. Groans, curses, lunatic sounds of phrenzied revelry filled the gloomy apartment with horror, and gave doubled intensity to the awfulness of the scene. For some days previously there had been sporting in Benton, which as usual brought together a number of sportsmen, gamblers, etc. Among the clan thus assembled was a youth of 25 from another vilage [sic]. At an early age he had fallen into habits of dissipation, and having been led on from one degree to another, he eventually left his parental home a Professional Gambler. 'Twas said he had been unfortunate in gaming. Great mental excitement, loss of sleep and dissipation had brought on inflamation of the brain, which attacked him suddenly on his return home. He was left in the humble abode of a stranger by one whom no doubt, he had thought his friend. But alas, like most friends, always on the wing from affliction and distress. Had he been permitted but for a moment to open his eyes on his true condition, he might have told a tale of wretchedness that would make humanity shudder. A tale of wailing parents, of mourning distressed brothers, of weeping heartbroken sister and of lamenting friends. He might have told of the fairest opportunities slighted, and of the brightest hopes that were blasted. He might have lamented the dark clouds that dissipation had caused to lower over the fair hopes of his youth. But alas his sun was destined to set in the morning of his existence. I returned, convulsive sobs had taken the place of demoniac bu[r]sts of revelry. A ghastly gnash of the teeth; a convulsive sigh; a demoniac glare, and all was hushed in death. This, this is the wretched gambler fate. Cut off in the mids[t] of youthful prospect, hopes, and enjoyments. A fearful verification that, "The wicked shall not live out his days!" [July 1834] 1st Thy anniversary my Diary, has again returned, but from noticing it as it deserves I am prevented from the press of professional business. Some cases of fever. Some deaths. Called to see my friend Mr. B. H. in the country. 4th A dull fourth. [Partly?] spirit too high to consider the general good. As for my myself, am busy riding in the country, visiting the sick, etc. Dined at Mr. Fry's. 6th Sunday Set out for Cedar Creek Stop'd a few minutes at Mrs. Harrison's. Dined at Dr. D's. Reached house at night. 7th Left early. Took sister E. C. with me to Airy Mount Acadamy [sic] in which school I had made arrangements for her to pursue her studies. Stop'd at Mr. Crumpton's. Dined at Mr. Hearn's. Reached Benton at night. After a long day's ride. 9th Last evening by promise staid [sic] at Mrs. H. Family improving. Passed a few agreeable hours after tea. Bid good night, expecting to ride early. This morning set out a[t] day break. Set out on daily business. 12. A boisterous day. Parties wrangling, combatting. Hot bloods and high metal. 14th Monday Last evening visited Pantheron. Found the family recovering. Miss J. indisposed. By actual demonstration (observation) found her to be flesh and blood; a fact I had long been doubting. Heavens that I could find proper apparel for my ideas. The lovely, the fair, the beautiful, the so much admired, languishing Ordered a heavy dose of cal. Necessity propmted me to be rational. Used some excentricity [sic] foreign to my nature. There is nothing in nature that touches me so deeply as beauty in distress. 16th Yesterday visited Pantheron, found my fair patient in fine spirits. Here if I would stop, I could tell a long story. Sarcasm, satire, cause and effect. Feelings so oddly different from what they once were. Engaged professionally. 21. Staid [sic] last night at Mrs. D's. Today with brother William and Dr. Wm. D. visited Sylvan grove. found all pretty well. 22. Passed last night wonderfully with some young friends. Sub rosa. 23. Dined at Dr. D.'s Stopd. at Mr. H.'s. Saw there two grandam[e?] admirers, or rather slickers, of Miss J. Poor boobies, think's I, I pity you. What tyrannic disposition the sex hold[s] above their poor sycophants. 'Tis strange!! What they once were before love transformed them I know not, nor care; but now a fantastic budget of superficial foolery. "Their words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many strange dishes." May I be so converted and see with these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not. I will not swear, but love may transform me to an oister [sic]; but I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an oister [sic] of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman is fair; yet I am well. Another woman is wise; yet ever I [am] well; another woman is virtuous; yet I am well; but till all grace be in one woman, one woman shall not come into my grace." Such a woman I thought I had found, yet all is well. 27. Sunday. Attended Presbyterian Ch. Conversed with the Revd. gentleman, principal of Airy Mount Acady. Flattered with the praises of my dear sister. 29. Had the honor to receive from the renowned, the learned, and pious Exqr. Fay, my ob't serv't, as he styles himself, rather an impertinent answer to my request for his bill. What a fool I was to expect to find a gentleman in a refugee Yankee teacher. W[h]enever I find amongst these southern Yanks an honest man and a gentleman, I shall be much disappointed. Well, this is the last page of this book. The place for contents. I have just looked over its pages. Various sentences pronounced. At one time, doomed it to the flames. But a thought struck me that at some future day, these pages might awaken a thought that it would be pleasing, even if painfully so to remember. I then concluded to seel [sic] it up and put it away in some dark corner, like wine age might improve its qualities. In it I see many things that I ought to forget. Much that was more fit for some dark corner in the regions of forgetfulness than in a memorandum book. Lie thou then my book in forgetfulness, slumber on in oblivion. At some remote day your pages may be opened with emotions far different from those which now seal their fate.