Wayne County NcArchives History .....Elizabeth Collier Diary 
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Elizabeth Collier Diary
August 12, 1861-May 9, 1865
(Daughter of George W. Collier & wife Caroline Oliver)

From the Southern Historical Collection, Wilson Library, The University of North 
Carolina at Chapel Hill. Collection Number: 1335-z. Posted with permission from 
Wilson library.
  
Preliminary Description - War diary of Elizabeth Collier, 18 year old girl who 
lived at Everittsville, a village near Goldsboro. 

Refugeed at Hillsboro in 1865, Miss Collier later married to Richard Fulgham, 
CSA, who saved Gen. Hampton from capture at Gettysburg. John Cobb mentioned as 
wounded at Winchester in 1864 was an uncle of the late Collier Cobb and a great 
uncle of Collier Cobb now living in Chapel Hill. Miss Elise Fulgham says the 
pages she cut out years ago were destroyed. They contained mostly personal notes 
telling of Miss Collier's suffering as she realized the dangers and uncertainty 
of battle for the man she loved and to whom she was engaged.

-----

August 28th 1861

This evening we heard the startling intelligence that the Yankees have possession 
of "Fort Hatteras" on the cape. The 17th Feb. state troops, Col. Campbell went 
down last evening to have a fight with the "vandals." God speed them on to 
Victory. Let them retake the "Fort" O my God! It makes every vein ready to burst 
with just indignation when I think of such vile feet treading the soil of the 
Proud old North State. Arise, ye men of N. Cr. Off with the cowardly hordes.


Aug 30th [1861]

Hatteras has been taken by the Yankees. Women and children are fleeing, Grandma, 
Aunt ---- & the whole family came up today as refugees. Quick oh God! Save us 
from the enemy. Surly thou has not forsaken us.


Sept 1st [1861]

The Yankees are still at Hatteras. How long must this degradation last. Men of 
N.Cr. Arise! Arise! Let the cry be "Victory or Death," But oh God! the 
everlasting shame of being killed by such brutes, such devils, such arch fiends. 
Poor woman! How can she bear it? Noble she will bear it, bear the sacrifice of 
each loved one 'til we are free from this galling yoke. Every tear in their 
hearts will be frozen and not one will then, like Spartan Mothers consider it a 
disgrace to weep for their glorious slain.

Sleep not, rest not, men of North Carolina, til each armed foe expires. 'Til each 
vandal is made to bit the dust. God is with us! What need we more! If there is 
one coward among you shoot him down. We must have no cowards among us. Strike for 
your all - all, all, is at stake at the mercy of such devils, mercy they have 
none. She is a stranger to their cowardly hearts.


February [1862]

Roanoke Island fell in the hands of the Yanks.


March 14th 1862

Newberne has been taken by the Yankees, our men were overpowered by greatly 
superior number. The citizens fired the town. Gen. Gatlin has proved himself a 
coward by feigning sickness.


April 6th 1862

Thanks be to Almighty God for the victory given us at "Shiloh." We lost one of 
our bravest & noblest Gens, Sidney A. Johnson who fell gallantly making a charge. 
But thank God he died with the shout of victory in his ears. Long will his 
suffering country mourn his loss.

Noble, gallant Beauregarde was there & in his heart "Victory or Death." Victory 
alone rests upon his banner.


April 11th 1862 Friday night

What I have suffered this night will be ever fresh in my memory. The great love I 
bear my country will I fear lead me to extremes. But I am so anxious and 
confident for our success in this unjust war - that it drives me mad when I see & 
hear desponding persons who are brave enough when the enemy is kept at a distance 
but let their homes be menaces let them have to give up one single comfort & they 
are speedily transformed into a set a miserable croakers, traitors they will 
prove in the end - and this speculation which is going on. It is fearful to think 
of it, but we see quite enough without dwelling upon it. Poor grasping, misguided 
wretch. What good will the few dollars you have wrung from your own people do you 
when you come to die. Each cent will be a red hot coal burning your perjured 
soul. But even in this world what good will it do you. The finger of scorn is 
already laid upon you   carry the badge of eternal shame wherever you go. I am 
but a feeble woman, would God I were a man but I will give my life's best 
treasures, yea I will sacrifice, gladly my own life for my beloved South - we do 
not deserve to be free & rest assured God will not suffer us to be free, for he 
only helps those who help themselves - unless we are willing to make great 
personal sacrifices.


April 30th 1862

New Orleans has fallen - we confess it is a severe blow. But nothing more than we 
might expect. For we have no means of successfully resisting the enemy's 
gunboats. I should never despair for one moment if they were to take every town & 
city upon the coast.

All true Southern people will bear these reverses bravely. Let the summer come & 
let the rivers fall, so that their everlasting gunboats will be of no use to 
them. Let the vandals have their course on dry land & we will whip them, as we 
have hitherto done.


Sunday May 11th 1862

Norfolk & Portsmouth have been evacuated by our troops. The Yankees took 
possession of it at the time of the evacuation. This is one of those masterly 
strategical moves, which prove the genius of the commanding officer. Our noble 
"Merrimac" was burnt to prevent her falling into the hands of the enemy. Capt 
Tatnall commanded her. An old hull once more. How many of our hopes were centered 
in these poor Virginians! The armies on the peninsula stand face to face. The 
great battle must take place. O that within a few hours. God of battles, give us 
the victory. Look then upon the two great armies and judge Thou between them. We 
know O God that but for Thy mercy, we could not abide. Deliver us from our 
enemies, & give us a speedy, honourable & lasting peace. 


June 28th [1862]

O terrible war! The great battle has at last commenced, as yet we have had signal 
victories but at what a cost, how many brave, noble spirits have passed into 
eternity, how many hearts have been made desolate forever. A part of this very 
life has gone. All hopes have been crushed in one instant & now what is life. 
What have they to live for.

Young men the noblest of the land. The pride of their fathers, their mothers joy. 
The passionate dreams of a young girls' life have been brought home dead, a 
mangled & disfigured corpse. The noble, the magnificent forehead wherein mighty 
genius sat enthroned is cleft asunder & that is by a Yankee bullet. Great God 
give us strength to bear it. Let us lean upon Thy all powerful arm. This is our 
day of trial. O Woman! What hast she not borne. What has thou not yet to bear? 
Bleeding heart, there's rest for thee in Heaven. But for this thought I would 
fain lay down & die. Hearts may brake, may bleed for years, yet they never die, 
would that they could.

Women go mourning & wailing all the day long - some sit with folded hands calmly 
waiting to hear their doom.

Still fighting, one week today since the battle commenced. Lord God of battles 
give us the Victory. Every hour brings the death blows to some loving heart. 
Father, husband or son killed. All our first men North Carolina, thou has caused 
to groan in agony of spirit, for thou has lost many a noble son. Thy country's 
alter is reeking with the sacrifice of brave souls. O Lord bind up the broken 
hearts!


Jul 3 1862

The terrible battle is at last over. Complete Victory is Ours by the help of the 
God of Battles.

The fighting of the Confederates is without record. Battery after battery was 
stormed and successfully taken by the bayonet. North Carolinians especially 
distinguished themselves but suffered fearfully. Branch lost every Field officer 
in his brigade, save three. It was a desperate contest. The purest & noblest 
blood of the Old North State was freely poured forth but thank God they all fell 
with the chant of Victory in their ears, desiring no nobler death.

Gen. Lee commanded -

O God I believe - I trust in Thee.  Thou art purifying us through such suffering 
-

Forget not the field where perished
The truest - the last of the brave.
All gone & the bright hopes we cherished
Gone with them & quenched in their grave

O: could we from Death but recover those
In the face of high heaven to fight over
The combat for Freedom once more

Woman is dependent. A man may be self sufficing. He may be independent of the 
other sex, devote himself to fate, or the pursuits of the pure intellect & be 
conscious of no necessity for womankind. A man may find a wife in ambition or in 
Science. It is true in both cases - the ultimate person on whom all depend is God 
- but it is also true that while women learn the necessity of dependence on Him 
by the necessary resting of their nature on men - men learn it chiefly from the 
loneliness which comes upon them when their boasted self dependence is broken up 
by the terrible stroke of that love which will teach that we are not our own - 
things, words, looks, which seem triffles to men touch her to the core - Trials, 
bereavements, & sadness, which are deadened in men by their life of action & 
intellect descend into, & dwell in her heart. "Sorrow's memory to her is sorrow 
still".


Lochiel July 21st 1863

Spent today at Mrs. Roulhac's really had a very nice time. They are so kind - if 
it were not for them I should have a miserable time here but there is always 
something to be thankful for.

Sam, Sam why do you not write to us? Poor Ma feels it so deeply I know she does. 
It is well we cannot see the end of things. O War, terrible War when will you 
have scourged us enough? The darkest hour is just before day. Just so sure as 
there is a God in Heaven, we will be free from our enemies. [Sam was brother to 
Elizabeth Collier]

Sad lonely & weary. I wonder when it will ever be otherwise. My first love - all 
women's first love what are they? The dream is almost o'er, I have reached that 
stage of feeling when the remembrance of the past is sad yet sweet. All the 
bitterness of grief has left me - I am all alone yet - The world & worldly 
things.

Tomorrow morning - dear place! Would I were a child again - I feel so stupid this 
evening, want something & somebody to cheer me up - to arouse my latent energies, 
to make me feel that I am a woman - I know that there is something in me above 
the humdrum life I lead - I was never made for it - I am wasting - I should like 
to know who has this self same opinion of me no-body - Mrs. Sol Williams has lost 
her mind - poor woman! It is only temporary but she has a claim to his name how 
which his love alone would never have given her. It is best, even as it is - 
she's happier now - Vicksburg, our Stronghold, our Gibraltar has fallen, but what 
of that, who but cowards ever despond.

Nothing from Sam yet, my poor boy.


July 28th 1863

A letter from Sam this morning. I knew he must have written before. I trust he 
feels as he ought to. I wrote to him telling him what to do. I hesitated long 
before I did it, but I believe before God that it is right for him so to do - I 
only hope that he may come safely through this fiery trial, which is to try his 
soul as well as his body.

I thought the dream of my life had passed away but not so - I still suffer - but 
time conquers all things - this feeling must succumb at last.


Sept 2nd 1863

I long more intensely if possible for human love, which it would seem that I am 
fated never to have. Day by day the bitterness of the desert. There is a void in 
my heart which nothing but Heaven can fill - our little Angel has left us. God 
has taken her to happier Home. My heart is utterly desolate - O my God let me 
listen to Thee - Come ye disconsolate, where 'er you languish. Come at God's 
alter fervently kneel.


Everittsville
June 17th 1864

Sally my ever dear friend. The moon's pale beams fall gently into my room as I 
write. Thoughts of you come thick and fast. I look out into the calm moonlight & 
wonder how it is possible for that org to look so serenely down upon all this 
terrible blood shed. The end of all this suffering is not yet.

Richmond must & shall not fall. The enemies despairing of ever whipping in an 
open engagement are determined if possible to get possession of Danville & South 
Side Rail Road & thus have the Capitol besieged. God grant it may never be done. 
Glorious old Virginia there is no sorrow like unto here, neither is there faith 
like unto hers. The whole state over run yet she stands up nobly & will resist 
unto the end.

The coming election for Governor in N Car. is to decide much for the state's weal 
or woe if Holden & his colleagues are trampled under foot we are safe. I trust 
that the people will rouse themselves in time. Oh that the finger of scorn should 
be pointed at my native state. I blush for her few remaining men.


June 27th 1864

Why should I remember June 27th 1862?

The bitterness of desolation has not left me yet. God in His all wise providence 
has ordered that I should suffer on - Suffer & in the end be strong. Sally, my 
Precious friend my heart is with you to-night as we live over our life long 
sorrows. God comfort you my child. My heart is sorely given yet this daily 
suffering draws me nearer and near to my God. And at last we shall count as 
naught these trials in the long hereafter. "God only designs our dross to 
consume, out god to refine."

I feel that my life on earth will always be desolate but not cheer less - there 
is in store for me the comfort of contributing to the happiness of others & god 
will give me His Peace.


July 3rd 1864

It is in vain to deny that life has its troubles & death its alarms. We cannot 
disguise the bitterness of the cup which man is called to drink. Nor can we help 
the cry, that if it be possible that cup may pass from us. But God has done 
better for us than to cause it to pass. He has made it the cup of immortality. 
Trial & grief are the preparation for glory. The grave is the gate of Heaven. The 
death of the body is the emancipation of the soul. Emancipated souls are to 
reunite in a happier & better society. The souls of the righteous are in the hand 
of God & there can no evil touch them. In the sight of the universe they seem to 
di, & their departure is taken for misery. But they are at peace for God has 
loved them & received them to himself & they shall rejoice evermore.


July 31st 1864

Be patient - love always. Live without Love, there was a time
Idle moment   Richard   In the long hereafter

Next Thursday is the day of the election. Holden's defeat is certain. The 
soldiers vote as they fight - for Southern right but we want it an overwhelming 
defeat for Holden. The people at home must be true to themselves. They must rid 
our dear old state of those who seek her ruin, restore her fair name. You can 
bear all else better than disgrace.

 
Oct 1 1864

Sometime since I have felt an inclination to write anything in my dear old Book - 
Tonight my proud soul is full of thoughts & as I have no friend to talk to, I can 
only find relief in writing. For the past week I have been reading a life of 
"Napoleon". I think I admire Napoleon more than any man the world has yet 
produced. How few ever did that greatest of men justice. How I hate "perfidious" 
England for her treatment of him. His faults were born of his very greatness. I 
have longed more than ever since this war to be a man. The love of glory is all 
powerful in my heart, crushed, mangled as it is. But I am a helpless woman & can 
only try to instill some of my ambitions into my brothers breasts.

John Cobb wounded & captured in the fight near Winchester on the 19th Sept. Sam 
escaped & was safe when we last heard from him. Many think that important events 
will take place in the ensuing two months, that the presidential election in the 
United States must decide the fate of our young Republic. I know not, but his 
much I know that God will give us the Victory & Peace in His own good time.

Weary & watching we wait, but it will come at last. "The night is dark & cold & 
dreary. It rains & the wind is never weary," I feel that I am growing strong in 
self confidence that I can live without love. I know that there will ever be 
hours in my life of dark & cold despair, when the memory of the past will rise up 
to torture me but the daily remembrance of my despair [page torn]. -- She should 
wear it. Poor children they have loved each other for a long time.

How I wish that I could see you tonight, Sally, that we might have a nice long 
chat. I am weary & want yr fond & true heart to hear me. I want very much to see 
you this winter but am afraid that I shall not have that pleasure. Don't think I 
shall be able to go on with Jimmy & Mary when they go to the army.


Nov 29th [1864]

A letter from Sally with the sad news of little Aby's death, sudden & fearful it 
was. Poor little child what he must have suffered, for nothing is more painful 
than a burn. I know that Sally poor girl feels his death as much as if she had 
been his own mother. It seems that her young life has been nothing but sorrow. 
Just as she was beginning to feel bright once more her heart is crushed again. 
But God knows what is best for her & for us all. We can see but darkly now. Soon 
we shall see face to face. It is but for a little while that we have to endure 
all these disappointments & trials, they will be as nothing in the end.

The two Mrs. Evans, Mrs. Washington, Mrs. Carraway & Mrs. Grist, Martha Evans, 
Mary Andrews & Sally Grist dined with us today. Such a party of females I not 
seen in a time. Not a man at the table. I want to get up a Christmas present for 
Mr. Hunter. Something, I don't know what. But I must to bed.


Dec 8th 1864

Sam is at home. What a joyful surprise he gave us. Dear boy, God has been very 
gracious to him, he has been preserved through all the dangers of the war thus 
far. How ambitious I am for him. God grant that he may live & realize all my 
hopes. He is very dear to my desolate heart. I have so much to be thankful for. I 
thank God that my heart has been touched & saddened. It has drawn me nearer to 
Heaven. I feel that earthly things have an end & that God ordereth all things for 
our good.

Sue will be at home in two days. Christmas will soon be upon us. I must put away 
all sad thoughts & be happy in the joy of others.


Dec 29th 1864

Sam left us today for the Army. We have all enjoyed his visit so much. Thank God 
that we have seen him once more. It was hard to give him up but I know that God's 
eye is on him in Camp as well as at home. How fervently I pray that he may become 
a great & good man. The fight at Wilmington has commenced. Gen. Hoke had repulsed 
them at last accounts. Brave & gallant Hoke.

Sally sent me her "Carte de visite" last night. How dear her sad suffering face 
is to me. My poor friend how weary & soul sick you are. God comfort you.


Feb 28th 1865

I have had no inclination to write for the past two months. Tomorrow will be Ash 
Wednesday & the sad & blessed season of Lent will have opened. Tonight I have 
been unusually depressed, the old feelings coming back one by one to torture me. 
This yearning to be something beyond what I am. By God's grace I purpose not to 
let this Lent pass over by head unimproved. Not that I have any power of myself 
to help myself, God's grace will be all sufficient. I can become habitually more 
cheerful, can employ my time usefully. I will note down the occurrences of each 
day so that in the end I shall know what I have done & what I have left undone.


Ash Wednesday March 1st [1865]

Went to church this morning, enjoyed the service, tried to control my thoughts & 
follow with my heart of hearts as well as my lips the beautiful & appropriate 
prayers for the day. It was such a pleasure to me that Pa went to church. Thank 
God for all his mercies. I spoke too hastily to Ma today about the Yankees. I 
must guard against it in future.


March 2 [1865]

A cold & dreary day with its continual patter of rain on the roof, I am afraid 
the weather has had its influence on me, for notwithstanding my efforts to be 
cheerful my spirit has been weary & discontented & I have been forced to cry out 
against the dull monotony of my life. I wish so much that I could at least spend 
Lent in town or somewhere that I might daily worship in God's temple. It would 
soften and soothe my hot & restless heart to kneel at God's holy alter. It was 
quite a disappointment to me. I was obstinate and sulky about it.

Report says the Yankees are advancing poor Newberne. We shall see what we shall 
see.


March 5th Sunday [1865]

Went to church this morning. Mr. Hunter preached a most excellent sermon. He 
proposed by God's assistance to administer the holy Communion ever other Sunday 
during Lent. I am very thankful for it. This renewing of our souls & consecration 
of our bodies afresh to the service of God will keep ever uppermost in our minds 
the precious death & burial of our Lord & Savior. God grant that we may not 
receive the same unworthily, that we may by this means grow in grace & in the 
knowledge & love of God who has instituted this holy right.


March 6th [1865]

This afternoon I rode down to the plantation, talked to the little servants, 
tried to teach them something about God. Aunt Esther gave in her religious 
experience, it amused as well as touched me. There was something sublime in her 
simple faith. She became really eloquent as she related it. I have been more 
cheerful today. All thoughts are now turned upon the Yankees. That we shall have 
hot times in this state before many weeks, no one can doubt. But let us abide 
God's will. He will not suffer the enemy to triumph over us. God rules us all. He 
makes us very weak, that in our weakness He may make His own strength perfect. To 
one comes joy & laughter, to another, tears. I accept my part & bow to Him who is 
Lord of all.


March 9th [1865]

Last night I had a letter from Sally Warwick saying that she was engaged to Maj. 
Poor. Dear child I thought all along she loved him tho' she never would 
acknowledge it. I trust she may be happy at last, that her heart has found a 
resting place. Betty Austin is also engaged to Dick Badger & to be married this 
month. It seems so funny to me, I wish I could see Tempe. I am afraid she does 
not like it.


March 11th 1865

Everybody is in the wildest state of excitement. Goldsboro is to be evacuated in 
less than 24 hours. Sherman has occupied Fayetteville & we must concentrate our 
forces to whip. God grant that we may do it. Pa went off with a scouting party 
last night & returned this evening, he is completely broken down I know. The 
Yankees will be here in a day or two at the latest. It is terrible to think of 
but we can only do the best. I think I shall send Deloraine over to Major 
Morrison tomorrow, he will take care of him. O God give us the victory in the 
coming fight.


Hillsboro, April 20, 1865

We have lived in such a state of excitement for the past month that I have not 
had the time to write any thing which occurred but to begin at this late day. 
After the evacuation of Goldsboro, we were in constant expectation of the Yankees 
for more than a week before they made their appearance. On Sunday 17th of March 
the Battle of Bentonville took place. Dr. Maddox on hearing the cannonading rode 
out in the direction of the fight, but went only a few miles when he a met a 
party of Yankees who took him prisoner, carried him to headquarters where he was 
paroled and sent home under the care of Lt. Storey. 

On Monday morning the 20th the first foraging party made their appearance at 
Everettsville. We were of course all very much alarmed. They asked for flour and 
seeing that we were disposed not to give it, made a rush in the house and took it 
himself, the cowardly creature even pointed his gun at us helpless women. Looking 
out we soon found that poor little Everettsville was filled with Yankees and that 
they were plundering the houses. After a while we succeeded in getting "Safe 
guard" and for a week we got along comparatively well but in the meantime every 
thing out doors was destroyed. All provisions taken, fences knocked down, horses, 
cows, carriages and buggies stolen and everything else the wretches could lay 
their hands on, even to the servant's clothes. 

On Monday 27th, a party of most desperate fellows burst the back door down and 
forced their entrance. They had made several attempts before to get in the house 
but we had the doors locked and now they commence their sacking of the house and 
did not cease until they had taken everything to eat the house contained, not 
leaving a single mouthful, curses and oaths were uttered on all sides, it was 
truly fearful, one fellow remarked in his insolent way, as he was destroying a 
jar of Brandy Peaches. That he really did feel sorry for these people, they had 
so little. They then told us that they intended burning the house that night, 
made the most desperate threats. They did put the fire in three places, but the 
guard extinguished it before it did any injury. Poor wise Sally had her trunks 
searched, and her things stolen, while they cursed her every moment calling her 
damned old rebel. At last we were compelled to leave the house and seek refuge 
with Dr. Maddox. They even threatened to burn his down for harboring damned 
rebels as they called us. We were two days at Dr. Maddox's, on the third we went 
over to Goldsboro and there remained for a week. I went to see Gen. Schofield to 
ask him to send us out of the Yankee lines, he very politely said he would. So 
the next morning the 5th of April, we came out under a flag of truce. Col Hays of 
Schofield's staff examined our trunk and would only allow us pieces, Ma's and my 
trunk, the boys not a change of clothing but I was only too thankful to be rid of 
their hateful presence at any cost and I really do not think I was ever so happy 
in all my life, as I was when I first saw our men, rebel soldiers in their grey 
jackets. Their bright open, cheerful countenances were such a striking contrast 
to the mean low, miserable looking Yankees. Gen Hampton furnished us with 
transportation to the train.


April 25th 1865

Gen Johnston has surrendered his army! We have no army now. We have been 
overpowered, out numbered, but thank God we have not been whipped. Did I ever 
think to live to see this day! After all the misery & anguish of the four past 
years, think of all our sacrifices, of broken hearts & desolated homes, of our 
noble, glorious deed, & say for what? Reconstruction! How the very word gells. 
Can we ever live in peace with the desecrators of our homes & the murderers of 
our fathers, brothers & sons? Never. We are bound to rise again. My God is it thy 
will that we should be conquered? Oh I had such supreme faith, such profound 
belief in the justice of our cause, that I thought it impossible for us to be 
vanquished.

Surely oh my God thine ear hast not been deaf to the fervent prayers for our 
success which have ascended night & day? Teach us to say "Thy will be done on 
earth". Good may yet result from evil. God has some wise & hidden purpose in this 
punishing us. Perhaps we were too presumptuous, we relied too much upon his favor 
when we had no right to expect it. God knows what is best for us as a people as 
well as individuals. 


May 9th 1865

Tuesday night - Subjugation with its horrors stares us in the face, a ruined & 
crushed people that we are. Already the hateful tyranny has commenced. The first 
men in the country are thrown into prison without even the mockery of a trial. 
Gov Smith of Va, Ex Gov Aiken of S. Car have been arrested. A price has been set 
upon Gov Vance's head, while many other prominent men have been imprisoned.

The oath of allegiance to the US government is offered to all. Where is now the 
boasted spirit & pride of the South? If it were no sin I should pray God to die, 
anything rather than live to endure the disgrace & degradation in store for us. 

Holden for governor, how low we are fallen.


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