Wilson County, NC - Letters

File contributed for use in USGenWeb by 
Charlotte Varnell Beck at Cvbeck@coxnc.rr.com.  

Wilson County Letters

Letter from Mary Elizabeth "Mollie" Woodard Varnell, wife of Robert Varnell.
Written abt 1908.  Originally transcribed by Mary Thomas and recently by 
Charlotte Varnell Beck at Cvbeck@coxnc.rr.com

Zions Landmark

My Dear Brother Gold: -
     My hope in Christ, if I have any, is so bright and sweet to me I feel I would be 
glad to write it for the dear readers of the Landmark though I know it can never be as 
sweet to anyone else as it has been to me, yet I feel that we ought to pass such rich 
blessings on to others ever feeling that it will be a comfort to someone.
     When I was about fourteen or fifteen years old I became so upset about what would 
become of my poor soul were I do die that I could not be satisfied.  I would get the 
bible when I though no one would know it and would go off somewhere by myself and read 
it.  I went on in this way a portion of my time for several years when one night just 
as I was about to go to sleep I saw myself carried away through a bright streak that 
looked to me like a rainbow only it was all one color.  One hand rested on my breast 
and at the other end, which was a great hight for me, was a man with a bright robe 
wrapped around him.  When I reached him he parted his robe and a sweet still voice 
said to me, "You are now in Christ's bosom," and I saw myself wrapped and folded in 
his bosom.
     I went on then just as before, part of the time being happy and contented with the 
world and part of the time being so miserable I couldn't sleep.  I have many ties sat 
up and read my bible long after the other members of the family had gone to sleep.  
But it seemed to me that all I read was so condemning that frequently I would lay it 
by and thought I would not read it any more.  But as I could not stop reading it I 
thought I had not found the right place, for I felt there must be something good in 
it or else the dear people of the church of God would not read it so much.  So I 
commenced at the first verse and read it through, and if I read anything that seemed 
or sounded goo I just knew it was not meant for such as me.  There was one chapter I 
could hardly bear to read.  This was the 8th chapter of St. Luke and especially the 
7th verse, which is "and some fell among thorns and the thorns sprang up with it and 
choked it."
I would look back and think maybe there had been a seed sown to heart and I had not 
heeded it and had let the ways of the world choke it out, and it seemed to me that 
nearly every time I opened the bible that was the very thing I would read.  And oh, 
the misery, the woe, I have felt while trying to read that chapter I can never tell.  
I felt that I was lost forevermore and I knew that I was just and right, for I felt 
that I was not worthy to be even with God's people not even so much as to shake hands 
with a member of the church.
     One evening Brother J. Speight was at our home.  I was out of the house when he 
came and as I came in he was telling my husband some of the many troubles he had been 
through.  I sat and listened to him talk for a good while then went out to get supper, 
feeling, oh how he is blessed and how happy I would be if I had such a hope.  Very soon 
he came in where I was to tell him goodbye.  I felt so beneath him I wouldn't have 
shaken hands with him could I have very well helped it.  It seemed that the very touch 
of his hand seemed to make my heart almost cease to beat.
     My burden continued to grow worse until it seemed I couldn't bear it any more.  
I tried to pray to the Lord to spare my strength and mind for my husband's sake.  (He 
was an invalid).  I felt that I deserved anything the Lord saw fit to put upon me.  I 
was taken down with fever and for several days and nights I was in so much trouble I 
could not sleep.  My husband looked like he could not live but a short while.  We also 
had one son down with the fever and three others that had just gotten able to be up, 
the two oldest of these being our dependence, to wait on us and cook.  I felt sure it 
would throw them back and then what should we do.  I tried to ask the Lord to be with 
us, but it seemed to me my prayers went down instead of up.
     At last one night when it seemed to me I had borne all I could, I went to sleep.  
When all at once the room seemed to be filled with people, all just alike, with 
something white in their hands.  I was placed on something like a sheet which had one 
end on the floor and the other end about two feet from the floor, so I was lying in a 
slanting position.  Then they began rubbing or bathing me with whatever they had in 
their hands.  And dear reader, I lay there and saw myself all rubbed away.  There was 
not a crumb of this old body of mine left, and I saw the fifth of my flesh lying in a 
heap on the floor.  It was the filthiest looking sight I had ever seen.  Then I saw 
myself lying on the sheet as white as snow and was as a baby.  Then they carried me 
to a church.  I did not see the church, but only the pulpit, and it was like the one 
at Moore's church.  I was laid on the front edge of the pulpit.  Then I spoke to them 
and said, now sing!
     They sang

Come angels, bear me away
On your snowy wings
To my immortal home

     And as the song rose it sounded to me as if thousands were singing, and it was 
the sweetest song I have ever heard or ever expect to hear in this world.  It lasted 
all night and I slept like a baby until the next morning.
     I told my husband that morning that I was going to die, also I told him what I had 
seen the night before.  I felt sure it was the sign of my death and I was willing to 
go.  My husband and children were all in a way taken away from me and they were no more 
trouble to me.  My husband thought I was unconscious.  He said I never asked him how he 
was getting along for two weeks.  But I knew I wasn't unconscious as I was taking two 
or three kinds of medicine and was keeping the time myself and I didn't get it wrong a 
single time.  Now I seem to be left in the dark.  I fully expected to die, and when I 
got well it all seemed, and I now sometimes think, it was all imagination.  My burden 
for my sins had gone and I wanted it back.  It seemed that it was right for me to suffer.  
But I did not stay in this condition long before my burden came again.  But this time my 
condition was different.  My whole desire now was to go to the church, but I was in the 
dark.  I felt that I had nothing to go for.
     I went to the preaching the 4th Sunday in May, and after I left the church it seemed 
to me I never could live to see another meeting pass and not join.  I was in so much 
trouble I could not sleep.  All I had been through seemed to be puzzling through my mind 
and it seemed that I was trying to sum it up for some purpose.  I did not know what.  My 
only prayer was Lord be merciful to me a poor sinner, and lead me in the way Thou 
woulds't have me to go, though Thou slay me yet will I put my trust in the Lord.  If it 
can by Thy will give me some evidence that is so bright and plain that I cannot be 
mistaken.
     On Wednesday night after the 4th Sunday I went to bed but not to sleep with that 
awful condition on my mind.  It seemed like my mind was almost in a whirl.  I felt 
conscious that something was going to happen to me, and if I am not deceived something 
did happen.
     It seemed to me that there was a blank place here and I did not know what was 
going on. The first thing I remember was that some small, sweet, still voice was 
whispering to me and saying, "you have been yourself cleansed and made white as snow - 
have seen yourself as a little child and have had to give up husband, children, home 
and all, and you have seen yourself carried where you must go."
     Dear brethren and friends, my eyes I hope were opened and I felt that I knew I 
was cleansed with the blood of Jesus. I shall never be able to tell of the joy that 
filled my soul.
     It was some over three weeks now before the next meeting and I felt that I could 
not wait until the time came.  My joy was so great that I could not sleep only a few 
hours each night.  I felt that I could go anywhere without fear with Jesus to lead me 
as I now felt He was doing.
     At the next meeting I went, was received and the next meeting I was baptized.  
That has been a month ago today and I am still rejoicing.  It seems my cup is filled 
to overflowing.  I fear that the greater the feast, the sorer will be the famine, 
though I cannot realize it now.
     If what I have written is worthy to be put in the Landmark put it in and not cast 
it aside.
     My husband died October 25, 1908, shortly after I got up from the fever.  He never 
united with the church, but he told us a few days before he died that the Lord had 
forgiven him of his sins, and he was so happy he said he thought he was well, but he 
also said he could live a few days more as the Lord had promised him that he could be 
on the earth only few days longer.
     I will close by asking an interest in your prayers.
     A sister in hope of eternal life.

                                                        Mollie E. Varnell

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