OHIO STATEWIDE FILES - The Ohio Hunter [Chapter 27] ************************************************************************ USGENWEB ARCHIVES(tm) NOTICE Copyright. All rights reserved. http://www.usgwarchives.net/copyright.htm http://www.usgenwebarchives.org ************************************************************************** File contributed for use in USGenWeb Archives by Sara Grimes McBeth saramcb@socket.net June 22, 2005 ************************************************************************** CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE 235 CHAPTER XXVII. CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE -- UNITE WITH THE CAMP- BELLITES -- MEET WITH OPPOSITION -- PEACE RE- STORED. IS presenting the world with my autobiography, I cannot overleap so important a point as my own personal experience in the Christian religion. It is no part of my design or desire, that this work should savor in the least of sectarianism; our would I offend against the most liberal or most bigoted of my readers by presenting them with views; peculiarly my own, on a subject of such general interest, that every one of understanding is supposed to be fully established in his own mind as regards his duty, faith, or practice. But in giving in brief a few reasons for the hope that I have, and the faith I endeavor to practice, I shall trust to the liberality of the intelligent reader to forebear all such unjust charges. As I told you in an early part of this history, my father died when I was very young, and my mother, of the Methodist persuasion herself, al 236 THE OHIO HUNTER lowed her children to grow up without being very thoroughly indoctrinated in any of the principles of Christianity. As I have shown, I was a. wild boy, and from the inconsistencies of most of the theories in which I was early instructed, I became, when quite young, a follower of Pyrrho in his doctrine ''that universal doubt is the only true wisdom." Whenever anything new was presented to my mind, instead of believing, as many do, in all new doctrines, I always doubted the real truth of everything pertaining to the doctrines of Christianity, until I became a full-grown man, and was then lulled into carnal security by the precarious faith of Universalism. I did not come into this belief by hearing it preached often, or talked much, but as I have said before, I was a natural skeptic. I did not believe anything, and did not want to believe anything, and was determined that I never would be deluded into what I then verily believed gross superstition. When I looked upon the Catholic counting his beads, or saying mass, and then upon the Protestant in the act of devotion, they each appeared to me like the practical workings of superstition and ignorance, and the one bore as distinct marks of intelligence as the other, only the former faith was more grand and imposing in its ceremonies than the latter; and had I been, by the natural heart, led to accept of either plan of salvation, it would most certainly have been the first. GRIEVES THE SPIRIT. 237 But our heavenly Father in sending forth his Spirit, that is to go into all the world, and try every man's faith, proving of what sort it is, did not pass me by. I could not misunderstand the voice, "Behold I stand at the door and knock, if any man hear my voice and open unto me, I will come in to him, and sup with him and he with me." But I said to the Spirit, "Go thy way." Still I could not free myself from the conviction that I ought to be a Christian,-- and the forebodings of a terrible retribution to come -- until I pacified my troubled conscience with the doctrine that "God delighted not in the death of any, but would that all men should be saved" and construed it into meaning that all men would be saved, and I believe that the Holy Spirit did take me at my word, and left me entirely for a season. I felt no longer troubled on account of sin, but relying firmly on my newly found doctrine, pursued for some time, without remorse, the various sinful pleasures which the unregenerate heart will ever seek after. I was a little ambitious of being thought intelligent, and a man of understanding, and accordingly on many occasions endeavored to prove my knowledge by defending the faith I had so recently embraced. Whether or not I showed a great deal of intelligence in these controversies, I will leave those who heard them to judge; but I am now satisfied that they were without understanding. 238 THE OHIO HUNTER In the year 1841, I became acquainted with a young Disciple minister. I was perfectly satisfied of the superiority of my views over his, and very confidently challenged him to debate. I soon found that I was very much like a man who has continued to sleep until long after the sun has gilded the heavens -- and then because he is unwilling to open his eyes, declares it is still dark. My mind was still shrouded in darkness, because I had never come to the true light that I might see. I needed but that some one should open my eyes, to convince me that the light of truth was now shining in noon-day splendor. When he arranged before me in due order the various plain and simple truths of the Scriptures, which I had never read for myself, and showed me their perfect concord one with the other, I felt that "I no longer saw through a glass darkly," but learned that the path was so plain, "that. the wayfaring man though a fool need not err therein." I was perfectly satisfied now of the truths of the gospel, and that my duty was to repent and be baptized for the remission of sins. But there was strongly rooted in my heart the prejudice I had ever felt toward such a humiliating course. I regarded the Christian man as weak-minded and effeminate, yielding to fears he had not the courage to over- come, and weaknesses he had not the strength to rise above; and while in my heart I pitied such a man, I as really despised him. And now should TRIAL OF FAITH 239 I, who had boasted of my ability to sustain myself above all such weaknesses, make an example of myself? expose myself to the derision of a scornful world by tamely yielding to this hallucination ? No; I would overcome. I would once more east off the unweleome yoke. For awhile this resolution was kept. But I could find no peace to my troubled conscience, only in obedience. When I became fully persuaded to walk in the path of duty, and made my intentions known to my family, I found there were still stronger hindrances in the way than any I had had to overcome. Should I unite myself with the then unpopular and despised sect called Campbellites, it would occasion domestic dissensions -- such as no man with a family that he loves ever desires to meet. My wife had been raised Lutheran, and was fully persuaded in her own mind that was the only true and right way. And any course different from that was not to be thought of, much less indulged in, But the more I investigated and reflected, the more my duty became apparent, and I resolved to obey the dictates of reason and revelation, and leave the event with Him for whom alone I had ventured all My wife now felt that true Christian rules and usages had been Outraged; that I had not regarded her preferences and interests in the matter, and there evidently was a great gulf formed between us, which no amount of reasoning or for- 240 THE OHIO HUNTER bearance on my part could ever bridge. We were daily growing further and further apart, until there appeared the almost certain prospect of an entire separation. Because on one subject there was difference of opinion, it seemed there could be no sympathy on any. But when this state of feeling had about reached its height, the Holy Spirit found access to her heart; and by its enlightening and sanctifying power, we had been involved, and by its having influence we were soon brought into one fold. After this there was no more war of household, no more unhappy differences of opinion, we walked together in the unity of the spirit and bonds of peace. I lived in the full fellowship of this doctrine, until the year 1858, when I heard the proclamation of the third angel's message, I did not renounce my former faith, but only added to faith knowledge, and have since been endeavoring to walk in obedience to the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus Christ.