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March 14, 1918


A Week With the Family Boy
by Edmund Vance Cooke

II--PA HELPS IN HOME WORK.
Pa said he feared I was a fallin' back
And so he guessed he'd better take a whack
At helpin' me in home-work, "Now," says he,
"In Mathematics you are only 'G.'
I think you ought to keep right up to 'E',
And as that stuff was always pie for me,
Just bring your book and let me help you in it,"
You bet I fetched it for him in a minute,
And I says "Father, here's a plain equation,
The teacher says, 'In simple mensu-ration':--

'A horse sixteen hands high just fits a stall
In length nine feet four inches, over all.
Suppose the quadruped becomes a biped,
What volume has a paralellopiped
Whose altitude conceals the horse from view?'"

Well, pa, he almost turned red-white-and-blue
He ways "For cat's sake: let me have a look!"
And then he sat a starin' at the book
And turning back the pages more and more,
'Way back to almost two-times-two-are-four.

And then he hit the book a whack and said,
"I wish this page was that fool fellow's head
Who wrote this blim-blam bloomin' 'rithmetic.
I'd knock some sense into him pretty quick."

I just kept still until along about
The time he wore his second pencil out,
When he says, "Well. Here it is;" and I says "No;
this part you work by inverse ratio
And that part there can't be the way it's meant;
This antecedent should be consequent."

And pa says "Shut your jaw, or when you speak
Say things to me in English, not in Greek."
Well, then, he worked again until ma said,
You've got to let that poor child go to bed!"
And so I went, but pa stuck here till one,
And then he didn't get the lesson done.

I'll have to hand it to him, tho.   He's game,
And when next night I got my books, he came
And said, "Well, what's our lesson for today?"
But I says, "Pa, you better keep away,
'Cause I told teacher how you helped you see,
And she said that was mighty nice for me,
But she supposed my home work was my own
And maybe I'd better work it out alone!"

Copyright, 1918


ST. PATRICK'S PARTY, Toledo Circle 180, Protected Home Circle, will
entertain its members and friends on Friday evening at Gates' Hall, Erie
and Adams streets.  Favors will be given.

The two sons of Mr. and Mrs. W. Gander, Carl, of Flint, Mich., and
Leroy, of Camp Sherman, Ohio came home last Saturday on a visit, the
latter being given a four days' furlough, and a warm reception was given
them on Monday in the way of a family reunion and a sumptuous dinner, at
which the following guests participated:  Their daughter, Mrs. Zoe
Hartman and her husband and their two children; Mr. J. B. Gander and
wife, of Banister, Mich.; Mr. and Mrs. J. H. Hartman, Mr. Evan Evans,
Miss Pauline Allen and Mrs. Laura Fetheringill, all of
Columbus Grove.  The occasion was a most delightful one to all, and it
was a matter of joy and pride that the soldier boy Roy, was there,
having come back from over the seas, sound in limb and body, landing at
Hoboken, N.J. March 3rd.  After quarantine he went to Camp Sherman and
was stationed at convalescent camp.  He was in France eight months,
serving in the engineers' corps. While...........******

LIME GARAGEMAN SUES GOMER RESIDENT FOR $10,000 DAMAGES

  Stealing his wife away from him and taking her to shows when he had
already purchased tickets for her and himself is charged about Jay
Beacom, a farmer residing near Gomer, by William Delaney, garageman, S.
Pierce street, Lima, in a suit filed in the Putnam county common pleas
court.

 
  Lewis Neill of near Vaghnsville was the lucky winner of the $15 rocker
at Hartman & Sons.  The thirteenth ticket was the lucky number.  The
other names drawn Clara Kohli, Gladys Stump, Geraldine Stanley, Mrs.
Chas. Gettman, Mrs. J. E. Killen, Martin J. Bowman, Catherine Yant,
Albert Schumacher, Mrs. R. W. Kohr, Mrs. P. L. Geiger, Mrs. C. E.
Amstutz.