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Parents as Educators

That Problem of Obedience

Have you ever stopped to consider that most of the
annoying things that children do are not deliberate
disobedience? Most of the time they act either
thoughtlessly or through mistakes.

Just glance over today for instance in your own home.
You feel tired and nervous and know that things have
seemed to go wrong. And you probably have scolded the
children for doing things that made you trouble or work.
But did they really mean to?

Julia tore her new gingham dress climbing a tree to
rescue Muggins, the pet kitty. Now Julia didn't say "I'm
going to climb this tree and tear my dress because
mother isn't looking." But she came along home from
school and saw poor kitty howling from the topmost
branch, where Fido had chased her. And in Julia's heart
was just one desire, -- to help her pet down. She acted
on impulse and not because she intended to disobey.

Now the hole is in the dress and has to be mended, --
but surely if we think of the accident as such and not
as a direct disregard of our commands, we can feel no
resentment toward the child. We mothers all tore our
dresses when we were small and our mothers had to mend
them. So let us not classify such acts as those under
disobedience. But let us now consider another incident.
You have told Julia not to loiter on the way home from
school; but she goes over to Mary's and plays until five
o'clock and you do not know where she is. This is direct
disobedience. But right here is a secret which every
mother knows although she may not admit it. If a child
has been consistently taught to come home at once from
the very first day she started to kindergarden, she will
never go to another child's house and stay until five
o'clock without permission. This is the vital point.
There must a no hit-and-miss disobedience. To spank a


child one day for loitering and then go off to the club
the next day and leave her to wander about as she
pleases after school is not consistent discipline and
the child realizes this. Constant obedience becomes an
instinctive habit, and the success of the whole system
depends on starting in time to discipline and maintain a
steady hand even though it sometimes is inconvenient for
the parents.

When baby first starts deliberately to throw his spoon
off his high chair and throw his porridge about, that is
the time to teach obedience to the laws of table
manners. When he first hits you with his little fist
because you have reproved him for a misdemeanor -- that
is the time to instill into his mind a respect for
authority, and to do it each time he strikes until it
becomes a habit with him to respect you and your
commands.

The secret of making obedience a habit is keeping a
steady hold over the child's actions and directing him
always in each little action until deliberate
disobedience is reduced to a minimum. To forbid the
child not to do a thing one day and then to permit him
to do the same thing the next day is a course of action
which gives him no definite idea of what real obedience
is. "Consistency -- thou art a jewel" is no more truly
applicable anywhere than in discipline of children. And
the next law of successful training in obedience is to
discriminate wisely between the art of impulse and the
malice-aforethought conduct.

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