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Page 072B

He says to me, dear William, 
  We don't want to make you sore,
So be sure to tell your U-boats
  Not to sink our boats no more.

We have told you for the last time,
  So, Bill, it's up to you,
And if you do not stop it,
  You have got to fight us, too.

I did not listen to him,
  And he's coming after me
With a million Yankee soldiers
  from their home across the sea.

Now, that's why I call you Satan,
  For I want advice from you;
I know that you would tell me
  Just what I had ought to do."

My Dear Old Kaiser William,
  There's not much for me to tell,
For the Yanks will make it hotter
  Than I can for you in hell.

I've been a mean old devil, 
  But not half as mean as you,
And the minute that you get here
  I will give my job to you.

I'll be ready for you coming,
  And I'll keep the fires all bright,
And I'll have your room all readu
  When the Yanks begin to fight.

For the boys in Khaki'll get you, 
  I have nothing more to tell,
Hang up the phone and get your 
  Hat and meet me here in hell.
  ---News-Times, Forest Grove, Ore.


MANZANITA CLUB

  The Manzanita club will meet to-
morrow afternoon with Mrs. Edward
Williams, Mrs. Johnston will _____
a paper on "Pompeii And Its ____
on Roman City Life." Mrs. Williams
paper will be on "Impressions __
Pompeii" and Mrs. Phelps will dis-
cuss and describe  "The ______
Roman Buildings."

CAMP LEWIS OFFICERS
  ORGANIZE HUNT CLUB

CAMP LEWIS, Wash., Jan. __
Officers of the fourth division of __
United States army, stationed here
have organized the Camp Lewis
Riding and Hunt club.  The club
planning to develop good riders and 
to ride to hounds.

Tacoma Make Large 
  Shipment to German

TACOMA, Wash., Jan. ____
ma's first shipment of goods 
Germany since before the way 
recently on the steamer Bakersfield
The shipment was consigned 
Hamburg and consisted of 400 
of general merchandise.


"IF MOTHERHOOD WAS NO BETTER THAN 
MANHOOD, GOD WOULD HAVE QUIT"
              ---Billy Sunday

Columbus, Jan. 3, --(Special,)-- "If motherhood was no
better than manhood, God would have dumped the whole
thing in hell, and quit."
      this was (Evangelist) Billy Sunday's
      characteristic tribute in a sermon
Thursday night on ________ and Home."  Ten thousand
people laughed, cheered and wept as the preacher
catapulted through a vitriolic address. Here are a few
of the verbal lashes he swung:
   "The downfall of most men and 
women can be traced to some defect in the home."
   "Why don't you get rid of the stinking hell-holes
   that make men
drunkards?"
   "You've got a lot of degenerates 
in Columbus who say this meeting 
is no good.  They are a lot pf black-
hearted liars."
   "I would rather have a daughter 
of mine play in a den of rattle-
snakes than mingle with character-
less characters."

HOYLE VS. THE BIBLE.

   "Many women are more familiar
with poker chips and champagne
than they are with the bible. They
can quote Hoyle by the yard, but
they couldn't qoute two verses from
Paul to save their liquor-soaked 
gizzards."
  "I haven't much faith in a woman
who talks heaven and makes her
home a hell."
   "If some of you women had to go 
to heaven on the testimony of your
washerwoman, could you make it?"

RAPS THE CLUBWOMAN.
   "If you see a kid with its stock-
ings hanging down like the skin of 
a rhinocerous, and with a dirty nose,
it doesn't take a prophet to saym 
"Ma's gone to the club. "
   "A good-for-nothing; whisky-
soaked, lantern-jawed, bewhiskered,
trousered reprobate can vote, and 
yet women are denied the right of suffrage."
   "You are a disgrace, with your
name on a church record and a 
beer wagon backing up to your rear 
door."
----